1. Practice curiosity.

Adopt a beginner's mind with your relationships - including (especially) the romantic ones. Curiosity suspends judgement and invites room for greater understanding. Understanding breeds empathy, mutuality, and compassion. These are the foundations of secure relationships. This might feel simple - but don’t underestimate how much you likely judge your partner or your potential partners on a daily basis. What happens when you suspend this judgement? What can you create when you become curious about who they are, what they need, and what they are looking to achieve?

2. Actively listen.

Let them speak. Uninterrupted. Lean in to listen. Really listen. What are they saying? What are they not saying? You don't have to be planning what you want to say the whole time. You can just listen. What can you hear when you do that? Listen to the pauses in between, the intonation, the body language, the breath. Listen to it all. What can you discern? What does this tell you about their deepest heart?

3. Assume innocent intent.

No one is really out to get you. Trust me. And if they are, they shouldn't be in your life. Assume all behaviour has a positive intention behind it and operate from here. What did they mean by what they said or did? What is it that they are seeking? What is it that they want?

4. Really prioritise them.

Ask anyone on their deathbed and they'll tell you they wished they spent more time with loved ones. How much time are you spending? Where does your love life fall on your priorities? Is it 1st or 5th place after work, health, friends, admin, whatever else you're focusing on? What impact will this have on the relationship 10 years from now?

5. Reveal your true heart.

Not what you think you should reveal. Not what you want to reveal. Not who you want to reveal. Not the people pleasing, shape shifting, culture appeasing reveal. But reveal your true heart. The deep, core, pulsing, honest, raw truth of your heart. The vulnerability, the pain, the ache, the grief, the fear, the yearning. The childhood wounds, the burning needs, the gnawing desires. Can you connect from this place? What level of depth can you achieve when you do? What can you create from here?

6. Master your breath.

Seek to breathe deeply and fully. Can your breath match theirs? Can you attune to the rhythm of their body and help regulate their nervous system with yours? Can you give your partner the gift of grounding them, soothing them, attuning to them so that they feel seen, heard, safe, held? This is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone you love.

7. Validate their pain.

We all have pain. We all have wounds. How can you validate others? How can you see deeply into their heart and feel their pain? In feeling held by another we soften, relax, release so much of what we keep inside. Empathising and validating someone's pain is a beautiful way of elevating your connection.

What else is there? What other tips do you have that I might have missed?