5 tips for improving the quality of your marriage or long-term relationship…even if you’re a busy, career-driven professional working 10+ hour days.

Virtually every client I work with works super long hours.

Founder of multiple businesses.

CHRO of a global investment bank.

Hollywood Film Director.

Managing Director of a retail bank.

Vegan food founder.

And every client wants to have a happy, healthy, true love relationship with their partner and to live a full life.

I did too.

I’ve always been a high achiever, working long hours, not because I ‘needed’ to, but because I’ve always loved my work.

I’ve always had a passion and drive to achieve, to build, to create, to make manifest what I know is possible for me.

So I can get lost into 10 hour days without even realising it.

Whether in academia or corporate.

And I have always wanted, inevitably, a happy and fulfilling relationship with a partner who supports me and my vision as much as I support them and theirs.

However, every client, much like myself, has struggled with finding ‘balance’.

Struggled with finding the time to prioritise the relationship…when deadlines are imminent.

Struggled with knowing what to do with the time that they have…when stakeholders are waiting.

Struggled with knowing how to maintain the romance….when the stress levels are high, and being intimate is the last thing you want to do.

I get it. I’ve been there. Sometimes I still find myself getting sucked into there.

Here are 5 tips I’ve learned along the way:

• Be organised with your time and prioritize your relationship the same way you prioritize your work.

This is something I talked about with Dr. Christina Tracy Stein on my upcoming podcast, Brian Tracy’s daughter. It doesn’t feel sexy, no. It feels artificial, yes. Get over it. Really. Until you are absolutely in charge of your time with no work, responsibilities, or competing priorities to worry about, you’re going to have to manage your calendar. And the same way you prioritize going to the office or the gym, you must prioritise intimacy with your partner. Block off two hours. Discuss on Sundays when you will connect in the week ahead. Make it a priority. Lock it in the calendar.

• Be intentional with the time you have together.

Don’t just wing it. Don’t just veg out at the TV expecting intimacy or connection to happen. Sure, sometimes it’s what you both need. But be mindful of what you need. What your partner needs. And optimise for that. Is it vulnerable sharing? Is it physical touch? Is it an act of service? Is it romance and gestures? Is it being still together? Choose your intentions based on your needs, and do that.

• Stop caring what other people think you need.

No one is in your relationship but you. It doesn’t matter what society thinks, what your peers think. What matters is how YOU and your partner spend your time together. Stay focused on your shared vision and building towards that. If it’s spending 6 months reconnecting after 6 years of resentment build up, and you need to take it slow, do that.

• Have a shared vision.

When everything around you is chaos, and it feels like everyone is screaming, stay true to your shared vision. Get clear on where you are both going. Paint that picture. Write it down. Seal that contract with a ritual. And revisit it every 6 months. Your contract together, your vision, is what will anchor you both when the going gets tough.

The reality is most couples don’t have a shared vision. Each person has what they want but they don’t share it with each other.

And so, with the most vulnerable desires left as a mystery for eachother, it’s no wonder that couples feel alone, disconnected, and grow apart.

• Figure out the rest of your life.

If you’re miserable in your life more broadly - your work, your financial situation, your health, your friends, whatever the heck it is - don’t expect your partner to save you. I see this so often, people who are frankly, depressed or miserable, looking for their partner to save them with acts of service or romantic gestures. This princess/prince archetype role where you are entitled to getting what you need and want from someone without having to look at the rest of your life is fraught with error. It’s immature. It doesn’t work. It creates a culture of helplessness and entitlement in your relationship. And it eventually leads to a dysfunctional parent-child dynamic which becomes devoid of intimacy, respect, and attraction. No one likes dating a victim - at least no one healthy. The best thing you can do is pull your finger out, step back into your agency, and look at the rest of your life that needs fixing. Then fix it.

Which tip resonates with you most?

And what did I miss?

DM me LOVE to learn more about how I can help you. I’d love to support you in creating your best relationship yet.