Are you fantasizing over someone who isn’t your long-term romantic partner? I see this a LOT and it DOESN'T necessarily mean that your relationship is doomed.


What it DOES mean, is that your needs aren’t getting met fully in your relationship. So don't panic, freak out, or ignore what you're feeling. Instead: get curious. What it is about this new person that you're craving? What NEEDS do you believe will get met through them?


This is a huge opportunity to know yourself better & to improve your relationship (future ones, too).
The attraction you feel for this other person can help you clarify what you need - and may need to change. It's common in a long-term relationship for your needs to not be fully met. It’s unreasonable to expect one person to meet ALL of your needs all the time (you should be doing that, at least to 50% for each need).


But also because you likely don't KNOW what your true needs are. You know what your WANTS are


The shiny car, the money, the nice house, the holiday. But these are just proxies. Beneath these things lie deeper needs. These are more vulnerable - where the truth of who you are lies.


So when you find yourself attracted to someone because they're more ambitious and driven than your partner, what you're really craving is perhaps to feel:

• Important

• Seen

• Adventure

• Significant

Subconsciously, your brain is associating THEIR ambition and drive as ways to get these needs met.
So if you were a client, I'd drill down into what it is you THINK ambition and drive will get you...to identify the need. Truth is, you'll always feel cravings if you didn't get your needs met growing up. If you’ve never stopped to examine what your true needs ARE, then you’re going to be feeling attraction when you see a route for them to be fulfilled...


...Because you’re not fulfilling them!


When you discover what needs this other person could fulfill, then you can identify strategies to get these needs met, which may mean talking to your partner and being vulnerable. And that’s what healthy relationships are - vulnerable. Not jumping at the first sign of unfulfillment


Trying to do this on your own though, may feel tricky though though. Because most folks have repressed their true needs beneath layers of repression over the decades.


If you didn’t get your needs met as a kid, you likely believe you’re not WORTHY of getting your needs met. And so...you lock them away. Which means trying to do this solo won't work.


Your subconscious mind will block you, believing you can't get them met. So you’ll want to get professional help to clear the blocks and identify what those needs are.


Which is precisely what I do!


I help you overcome your blocks to getting your needs met & identify what they are. I also help you communicate them to your partner in a way that they can actually hear.


This will get you clarity about your relationship, so you know what's really going on beneath the disconnect - is it you? Them? And how to move forward?


Still curious? Book a call with me to start clearing those blocks.