Why are you so lonely, even though you're in a relationship...maybe even married?
I read something so sad this weekend.
Studies show that rates of loneliness actually increase more for married people than lifelong singles as they age. [Psychology Today, The Truth About People Who Stay Single for Life].
Yup.
You heard.
If you’re in a relationship, married or committed long term…
Statistically, you are going to dwindle into feeling more and more lonely as time goes on.
In fact, you’re potentially going to feel totally ALONE in your relationship towards the final decades of your life.
Isn’t that sad?
It’s super sad.
And it got me into researching…
Why is this?
What I found is it’s primarily because of these two things:
1. Plenty of people simply marry the wrong person.
Yes, I said it.
There is such a thing as marrying the wrong person.
And the worst thing is, you may only find this out AFTER many years have passed.
Typically after the honeymoon has worn off.
The hormones have calmed down.
The oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, and all the delicious cocktail of love-inducing feelings that we get submerged into when we fall in love…have worn off.
When reality hits.
And you know what, if you’re sitting here thinking, oh my God, maybe I DID marry the wrong person…
..the reality is, you are far from being alone. As we can see, statistically.
Because as a society, we arent conditioned or trained to be discerning in marriage.
We are trained to believe in 'romance' and 'you'll meet the right person at the right time' and to 'go with the flow' and 'trust your gut'.
The problem is, your 'gut' is likely full of maladaptive programming from your childhood that you haven't examined, and so it's steering you the wrong way.
And 'going with the flow' means you're a passive bystander in your love life and just let other people dictate who you will end up with and what sort of a life you will lead.
Neither is a recipe for success.
Yes, as a child, you inherited a ton of belief systems, instructions, messages from your society, from your parents, from your religion, from your teachers, about what life should be like. About what LOVE should be like. You witnessed your parents and made some strong conclusions as a kid about what is ‘normal’.
And that became your programming.
And even if your parents are happy and together, would you say that they are 100% soulmates and destined for each other? Would you say that they are absolute role models and examples of true love, devotion, happiness, and commitment?
I don’t think many of us can truly say that.
Duty, yes.
Loyalty, sure.
But true love, soulmate level love…?
Probably not.
So the conditioning you have on a primal deep down level, in your subconscious, in your nervous system, isn’t the best.
On top of that, you never learned to discern what TRUE compatibility is since no one taught you….
…and it’s a recipe for picking the wrong person.
Being discerning with who you marry or choose to spend your life with is an absolutely critical, high-stakes, non-negotiable skill...yet no one teaches you this.
Knowing what and who is TRULY compatible with you is of the upmost importance - yet you stay fixated on superficial things like your sense of humour, or blanket statement 'values'. You don't go deep enough. You don't truly discern.
And so, no wonder divorce rates are so high.
And equally bad, if not worse, no wonder so many people check out and feel miserable and lonely in their marriage.
Then there is:
2. People don't have the relational skills to grow with each other.
Sure, the honeymoon period is lovely, and you're on a high.
It's easy the first few years.
But then once routine kicks in, the hormones wear off, you feel safe to be yourself...
And you enter the power struggle phase (which every relationship has to go through to survive)
You fail to grow and connect with each other.
You fail to mature and evolve together.
And so, you lean into feelings of:
"They don't understand me"
"They just avoid the situation"
"They're the problem"
"If only they could hear what I'm trying to say"
"They walk away from all our conflict and it's impossible to communicate"
And so you feel further and further misunderstood, unseen and unheard.
And so you feel further and further alone.
What’s worse, is that all the unconscious conditioning and messages you received as a child, start to fire off and get activated in this time.
All your original beliefs, your expectations, your internal blueprint for receiving and giving love becomes real.
So if you have a deep subconscious belief that you will be alone, or abandoned, or all men cheat, or all women are crazy…then that is what you’re going to start seeing in your relationship.
Yes, your partner literally becomes a manifestation of your deepest conditioning, including your deepest wounds.
And worst of all, you don’t even know this. Let alone how to deal with it.
So you find yourself stuck in a hot and cold dynamic with your partner, fighting a lot, arguing, defensiveness, disagreement, walking on eggshells, and generally feeling lousy…
…and you don’t know why…
…nor how to fix it.
So you just end up feeling worse and worse in your relationship and unable to fix it.
But what if you didn't have to feel lonely?
What if you could simply do one thing:
Master the Behavioral Science of Attraction - which is learning about:
WHAT you are unconsciously attracting into your relationship (the behaviors, the patterns, the arguments, the conflicts, the disappointment...and so on)...
What you NEED to be attracting (what you WANT and NEED to be happy), and;
HOW to attract that?
So that you can:
1. Dig out the root causes of all your pain and dysfunction - once and for all - and transform them into something positive (that pesky conditioning needs to get looked at)
2. Get clear on what you want and need in your relationship, so that you can be happy longterm and for the rest of your life
3. Realign your life to be in full integrity with THAT so that you attract it easily and effortlessly.
If that sounds like something worth doing, learn more here.
P.S. If you want to make a headstart today, you can dive into this program for 85% off, at just $497. You can do this SOLO without having to drag your partner to marriage counseling or doing this work.
This program is THE most effective way for you to identify your unconscious blocks and overcome them, so that you can feel 100% confident that you've done 100% to clean up YOUR side of the street.
It comes with a coaching call with me (normally $500).
This is the MOST important thing.
