Are relationships really that important? Why I’m concentrating my focus.

Something interesting has happened. 

I’ve been studying relationships for over 15 years. It’s something I’ve always been curious about and a core focus of my work -- personally, academically, and professionally. In my own coaching training, relational practices and teaching; in my academic work, looking at gender dynamics; in sales; and then later, diversity, equity, and inclusion. In everything, it’s been repeatedly the lynchpin of my concerns. 

The original desire for my own coaching practice was to specialise in relationships. Building deeper connections to self, so as to build better relationships with others. 

In a bid to serve people quickly, and heed the calls for help that I heard in the world of entrepreneurship. I started working with incubators, startups, and founder networks, supporting founders with everything from burnout to productivity challenges, rekindling motivation, time management, delegation, communication, and all the flurry of stresses that entrepreneurship brings.

I focused on helping them build better relationships to themselves so that they could achieve all of the above -- along with more tactical, strategic coaching on commonplace founder challenges. My time in behavioural science, where I’d been developing strategies for people development with Fortune 500 companies and startups, was useful -- along with my own general expertise at personal development and self-connection.

But over the months, something interesting happened. Something incredibly compelling.

Once we’d worked through the more strategic, surface level areas for development, we began to get to the core of their struggles. A common theme began to surface: almost everyone (if not everyone) was struggling with their relationships. 

Whether it was relationships with their co-founders, teammates, or CEOs, relationships were at the core of each challenge. 

Everyone was also, heartbreakingly, lonely. 

As I worked on helping them overcome their loneliness, it became clear that personal relationships were a huge part of each founder's struggle. Some were single and unable to meet a partner because of their drive and ambition (that no one seemed to understand), a crammed schedule, lack of work life balance, or just a sheer confusion about what healthy and productive dating looks like. Some were married or in a relationship, but their partners just generally didn’t understand their ambition or struggled to understand their drive to work long and odd hours. Some partners struggled with their constant travel to meetings and conferences, creating friction and conflict. Communication was typically coming out as very fraught, confused, and lacking in confidence and boundaries. There was virtually no understanding of healthy dating and relationship practices based on psychology and relational science.

Deep, soul-connecting intimacy emerged as an unknown territory and imposter syndrome, self doubt, and ‘what’s wrong with me?’ came out as common themes. 

So to serve people the best that I can, I am making it much more clear that relationships are the focus of my work. 

Sure, I can help you with productivity and motivation, time management and delegation. I can coach you for leadership skills and share behavioural science techniques for change, resilience, and grit. I can even offer sales coaching and help you with your diversity, equity, and inclusion.

But bottom line, everything truly comes down to relationships. Our relationship to ourselves, and our ability to build quality relationships with others. 

You can’t be motivated and productive if your relationship with yourself is lacking. 

You can’t be great at leadership, sales, or fundraising if you’re unable to build relationships with people.

So that’s where I’m at folks – going deep to the core of the issue. The place where I sensed from the start was I’d be able to offer the greatest service. Because what is life without rewarding and fulfilling relationships? What else is there?

Curious about how you can improve your relationships? Get in touch with me.