One of the most challenging things I see with clients, and what I went through myself, is learning to discern whether to stay or go in a romantic relationship.

It can feel absolutely, achingly, awfully crippling.

When the stakes are high, and you’ve spent a few years…even decades with this person, it can feel utterly paralysing to contemplate leaving everything you have built with them behind.

Your finances are likely intermingled.

You might have a home together.

You have shared friends.

Your families are intertwined.

You’ve got shared hobbies, shared activities, and a shared love of certain things that you do together.

You may even have children.

The idea of leaving…even when you feel, on a deep down level, that you aren’t happy…

…can feel paralysing. Impossible.

I’ve been there, and can attest to how hard this is. And whilst I had my finances and a home with this person, I did not have children, and so the stakes were lower - though they were still high. And of course, I loved him.

This is never as black and white as it seems.

If only it was! If only we could wake up one day and realise clearly, ‘this is not the relationship for me’ and make a swift exit. But it’s never that simple.

I have so many clients who come to me with this problem. And my heart goes out to them.

The fear is typically:

“I know that I am not perfect, and I know I have my own stuff to work through…so could this be that I am destroying something that is perfectly good?

Or is this actually just the wrong person for me, and I need to exit?

Have we actually grown apart and this is no longer the right relationship for me?

Am I just bored?

Am I just self-sabotaging?

Is this the 7 year itch that everyone talks about?”

And meanwhile, you’re thinking that this might not just be you…because you’re doing your best to do the inner work and clean up your side of the street with the relationship.

You’re meditating, you’re listening to podcasts, you're reading books on this, watching YouTube videos, reading blogs…you’re doing your best to clean up your self-sabotage so that you can know for sure that this isn’t ‘you’ and ‘your fault’.

You don’t actually want to leave.

You love the life that you have built together. It’s great. And you have these waves and highs of happiness, these weekends where everything feels good. You look at your partner so fondly and remember all the wonderful times you’ve had together, how much they make you laugh, how many beautiful memories you’ve built.

You don’t WANT to leave.

And yet…you don’t feel all that fulfilled.

You wonder if you can do better.

You wonder if you are settling.

You wonder if there is someone out there who would understand you better. Give you what you want more.

Someone who is as high of an achiever as you are.

Someone as go-getting, ambitious, and willing to dream big.

You lie awake at night, blinking into the dark, staring at the ceiling, wondering…”Is this it?”

And so you find yourself talking to close friends endlessly on repeat, processing what’s going on at home with them, trying to get clarity. You’re Googling on the internet for answers, trying to see if other people have been in this situation, and what they did. What you should do. You trawl through Reddit threads, and other forums, trying to desperately understand what’s going on. Is it you? Is it them? Is it both??

You spend weekends living a rollercoaster of highs and lows. Things can be amazing, epic, brilliant…and then you’ll have an argument, or something triggers you, or triggers them, and you crash back to feeling doubt. Feeling fear. Feeling trapped.

You wonder if it’s you, and you do therapy to try to see..but you can’t help but wonder if it’s just the relationship.

You’re stuck.

You feel stuck.

In limbo. Unsure. Uncertain.

I get it, I really do.

I was in this limbo for a few years and slowly progressed the relationship forward, even as I felt fear and anxiety deep down, wondering if I was doing the right thing.

And things were never ‘bad’ - not bad enough to leave. He was a fantastic partner. He treated me like a princess. In many ways, I was and felt extremely lucky. But deep down I questioned it all.

I understand. What I did after that engagement, is a series of things that helped me confirm my decision to leave.

I liberated myself from teh past, and got clear on where my self-sabotage patterns had got me in my own way. I got the clarity I needed on where it was ME and where it was the relationship. I took radical responsibility for my part and celaned it out, at the root.

I got extremely clear on what I actually needed and wanted to be happy in a long term partnership. I educated myself on who I am truly compatible with, and realised where I’d gone wrong in my initial match. I got the confirmation and clarity I needed that I had made the right decision in leaving. I finally understood myself, my needs and what a healthy relationship would look like - for me.

I also got my life into full integrity with who I am. I realigned things. I let go of things. I created space for new things. And I boldly claimed my voice, my authentic presence and who I really am. I stopped feeling afraid of being seen and being the high-achieving, go-getting ambitious woman that I really am. I manifested a 70% payrise in my corporate job (!) and found myself flying with a career that I could only have dreamed of before, as I got myself into alignment with my authentic core.

And then I met my husband.

After doing all of these 3 things, I attracted him so easefully, naturally, and without effort into my life. No dating apps involved ;)

And let me tell you, the relationship is wildly different to what I have ever experienced before. It’s magical. It is pure magic. And it’s exactly the medicine I need to grow, heal, and self-actualise in a way I could never before.

This is precisely what I see with all my clients who come to me with similar problems.

Whether they leave their relationship once they get the clarity it’s the right decision and time to do so, and make a plan to, or whether they stay and buckle up for a huge upgrade inside that relationship, transforming into the dynamic of their dreams…or whether they're single and looking to create their ultimate relationship from scratch…I see these 3 steps working time, and time, and time again.

If you’d like some help with your own relationship or finding your own life partner, I’d love to help you.

Drop me a DM with SCIENCE to learn more about the Behavioral Science of Attraction methodology I can teach you to empower you to make the right choices for you.