How are you changing your status quo this 2025?
With 2025 here, and now that you’re rested and at least somewhat revived after the busy-ness of 2024…
Are you feeling ready and antsy to change your last year’s pattern of grinding away each day, staying stuck in one room behind your laptop, on back to back Zoom calls and guzzling coffee, coffee, coffee, water, water…
….and then wine, wine, wine?
And are you wanting to overcome that sense of quiet sense of resentment you felt last year when your partner got to finish earlier, prepare dinner, get groceries, and…actually enjoy their week?
Because you're the breadwinner, and you’re stuck at home…grinding?
And you couldn’t help but feel like you’re being denied something?
And this past Christmas, you’ve finally got a sense of clarity that you want something more for yourself - that there IS something more for you out there?
And so now you just have to go out there and get it?
If so, then, firstly, you’re not alone (hello, I have been there myself).
Secondly, feeling like you’re being denied something doesn’t have to be your status quo.
Even if you feel overwhelming weight and pressure to be responsible for the family and provide.
Because you’re the breadwinner.
And no, this doesn’t mean that you have to quit your job and become a yoga teacher ;)
Nor does it mean you have to leave your partner.
What it DOES mean, though, is that you need to develop two things:
Rigorous clarity on your true needs
Strong boundaries
What do I mean by this?
Well, your needs are the subconscious drivers of all your behaviors.
We all have needs.
It’s just, unfortunately, most high performers have been conditioned into thinking that they somehow aren’t good enough or worthy of getting their needs met.
Because they haven’t achieved X Y or Z yet (hello, perfectionism and high standards).
And this would have come about in your childhood without you realising it.
So they push their needs down, grinding and forcing themselves on.
And so those needs, get squashed down.
But they don’t actually go anywhere - they just pop up in other ways, trying to get met.
So for example, if you have a deep need for love and connection, rather than giving that to yourself through self-care, lots of rest, nutritious food, tending to your energy levels, exploring your creativity, doing a job that feels nourishing and connecting with your inner world frequently…
…you might have not learned to do that as a child because your parents never modelled it for you.
And instead, what WAS modelled, was getting love and connection when you did something - achieved something - or performed. It felt conditional. And perhaps you were told off when you didn’t achieve something. So you learned, okay, to get love and connection, I am going to do these things. And without these things, I am not worthy. I am not good enough just being me.
You started to seek it outside of yourself, rather than inside. You started constantly trying to strive, achieve, and do more.
And thus, as an adult, your primary mode for getting your needs met is external: seeking validation, praise, money, status and so on.
And because you don’t fundamentally believe you’re worth deep down just BEING, you squash down your other needs.
Like your need for fresh air, or relaxing in nature, or cooking a delicious meal with your family in the early evening (and not crawling out of your office craving wine and collapsing into a chair after a long day).
So the first step is to get clarity on your needs. Beneath all the old programming, who are you at your core, and what do you need?
And then secondly, it’s going to boil down to having really strong boundaries in enforcing these needs in getting met.
Feeling like you need more work/life balance and you can’t keep being a breadwinner like this? Great. This will need to be a boundary with your partner.
Feeling like you need more creativity? Great, you need a firm boundary to find that either as a hobby and thus prioritise it, or find a new job - and yes, maybe your partner will need to step up.
For example, perhaps you need your partner to manage the kids each Saturday morning for a few hours so you can focus on your art, or get into nature for alone time.
Grinding yourself into dust just because that’s how it’s always been is a sure fire way to become resentful, have a nervous breakdown, and destroy your marriage.
There are ALWAYS solutions, and they start with you getting clarity on what you need, and setting those boundaries.
If this feels scary, I get it - and I’ve helped tons of clients through the very same thing.
Often resulting in a much happier marriage than ever before.
In my 90 day program, I help you overcome any childhood conditioning that you’re unaware of, that is making you get in your own way (without realising it)
I also help you identify your true needs, create boundaries around them, and learn science-backed strategies to get these needs met.
PLUS I’ll help you communicate these to your partner.
Learn more about the program by booking a call with me, or watch this video to get a sense of how I work
