How do some people seem to have it all? Why you likely have an upper limit problem.
Ever wondered why it seems like some folks can go on to make their millions with relative ease, have a delicious love-filled marriage, and look like a beacon of excellent health…
…whilst you seem to be tired, frustrated, and keep hitting a plateau? Like you can’t seem to break through to the next level?
Well, I’m willing to bet you have an internal block problem :)
And the solution is NOT the new strategy for business, or wealth planning, or dating or whatever it might be that you need, and actually about breaking through these blocks.
Because unless you are on Cloud 9 already, you will absolutely have a ton of blocks.
In fact, you will almost certainly have an upper limit problem which comes from all your internal blocks.
This is a psychological idea coined by the brilliant Gay Hendricks, which explains how people unconsciously self-sabotage themselves when they hit a certain level of success, happiness, or fulfillment they believe they deserve.
This can happen in your romantic relationships, your career, your finances, or your health - any arena, really.
The idea behind it is that everyone, including yourself, has a comfort zone of what they can tolerate and what feels ‘safe’ based on past experiences, beliefs, and conditioning. I like to call these beliefs and conditioning patterns ‘blocks’ - because that’s quite literally what they do most of the time. They block you from achieving your full potential.
And they feel ‘safe’ because you’ve had these for basically your whole life.
I often call them subconscious blocks, or past pains, or old patterns, limiting beliefs - there are lots of terms for them.
These frustrating blocks create your upper limit problems by acting as an internal thermostat, limiting how much success, love, or happiness you allow yourself before unconsciously pulling back.
They can come from all sorts of sources, but mainly are from your primary caregivers - aka, for most folks, your parents.
If you were taught that success comes with a cost (e.g., “rich people are greedy” or “happiness doesn’t last”), you might unconsciously resist too much success.
If you developed a belief that you are “unworthy” or “not good enough” (which is very common) you will believe deep down that you are not worthy of great wealth or comfort, so you will sabotage it when it comes to you.
If love and attention were inconsistent in childhood, you would have formed the belief that intimacy is not safe and you are perhaps “unlovable” or “will be betrayed”, so your nervous system now associates deep connection with danger—leading to sabotage when relationships feel too good.
I know for me, for example, I had huge blocks around feeling “rejected” and also feeling “bad”. Because I came to the UK when I was 5 years old, didn’t speak a word of English, I was inevitably bullied in the playground. I was that weird foreign kid that couldn’t speak. So, since the kids were excluding me and no one understood what the heck I was trying to say, I developed beliefs that I was somehow a “bad” kid that was “rejected” and no one wanted.
It sounds extreme, but these are all deeply unconscious beliefs that you’d never think about rationally…but they stay stuck in your brain, form your outlook on the world, and then go onto SHAPE how you experience the world.
So later in life, needless to say, I was the “lone wolf” in high school and at work, I would often leave the country and start anew to be an expat (which unconsciously mimicked my sense of being “rejected”, because I was repeatedly foreign so often), and I was absolutely TERRIFIED of doing anything wrong that would prove my deepest fear and belief that I was somehow “bad”.
But enough about me. ;)
When you start exceeding this internal limit (which will be unique to you)—in whatever area of your life—you will inadvertently yet inevitably start to self-sabotage.
So what might happen is you:
Start to create problems - you pick a fight, start procrastinating, make bad decisions, ignore your gut instinct, nit pick on the negative…
Experience anxiety or guilt about your success. Maybe you start to worry that you are going to stand out more now, or people are going to judge you, or you’re abandoning your family if you keep climbing the ladder, or you’re somehow greedy or bad.
Sabotage opportunities by downplaying achievements or avoiding bigger risks. You unconsciously feel like it’s all a bit too much so you start shying away from the next steps.
Feel undeserving, and somehow unworthy, which makes you act out in negative unconscious behaviors that bring you back down.
I know for me, for example, my upper limit problem would manifest as anxiety, feeling undeserving, and then withdrawing from people.
When I unexpectedly got my fully funded scholarship to the University of Oxford for example, after I’d hustled hard for a year living in Dubai saving up to pay for my Masters degree (as a foreigner, no less), I was initially thrilled (lots of champagne, celebrations) but then spiralled into serious anxiety, self-doubt, a sense of unworthiness, and fear that I would screw it up. I actually nearly dropped out in my first semester thinking I was doing a terrible job (which I wasn’t at all).
Luckily I already knew many of the tools and techniques I teach clients these days, so I was able to pull myself out of it, smash through my internal blocks, and actually went on to become top of my cohort and win lots more awards (not to toot my own horn, but at this point, why not? ;)).
Other examples of the upper limit problem flaring up include:
In relationships: You finally get the partner, things seem like they’re going great, and then you suddenly ‘get the ick’ and start finding them annoying, or unattractive. Or perhaps you start micro analyzing their flaws, and starting unnecessary arguments. Or maybe you get cold feet because it all feels like it’s moving too fast, or you start to feel trapped and suffocated, so you want out. Or maybe (as was my case for many years) you start to get paranoid that they don’t REALLY love you and thus you need to try harder, do more, and somehow earn their love more.
In career: Here, you might start to procrastinate after you get a big promotion. Or you start being sloppy with your attention to detail after you get a bonus. Or you start withdrawing from your colleagues after being promoted. Perhaps you simply don’t feel confident in what you’re doing, and your self sabotage is that you don’t ask for help, so you end up spiralling into more and more mistakes.
In money: This is a huge one for most people. Perhaps you land a high-paying client, then you start neglecting them without even realising it. Or you achieve a certain level of wealth but then you spend it all, or gamble it away. Perhaps you hit a certain income level and fail to preserve the money. Or you end up in debt. Or in addictions. This is a common one we see with tons of celebrities - just have a Google and see how many folks are susceptible to this!
Now, the solution to this is to break through these blocks (makes sense, right?).
And the way that you want to do this is by:
Identifying what the blocks are through going inward and deep
Clearing out and replacing these blocks through brain reconditioning (‘rewiring’ as they say)
Building trust in yourself to deepen your sense of self worth and ‘good enoughness’ so that you really solidify your capacity to HOLD what it is that you are seeking.
Creating strategies to PRESERVE what it is that you are seeking like healthy boundaries.
All of this needs to take place, at least in some part, on that subconscious level.
Which is unfortunately not what a therapist or counsellor or career coach or wealth advisor, or anyone not trained in subconscious mind rewiring can help you with. In fact, it’s often not even just ONE subconscious mind rewiring technique you need, but an entourage of them to really help entrench the new ‘you’ and help you overcome the ‘old’ you that kept you stuck.
Talk therapy can provide insights, emotional validation, and coping strategies—but it often falls short in rewiring the subconscious mind because the subconscious operates beyond logic and language. Subconscious patterns are driven by emotions, sensory experiences, and body-based memories—which talking alone simply doesn’t reach.
If it did, then you could just tell yourself you’re a billionaire and bingo, you’d achieve it.
Not that simple.
Early experiences, the conditioning, and your beliefs are stored somatically (in the body and nervous system), and they live beyond ‘words’. So just talking about your beliefs doesn’t change them —it can even reinforce them and make it worse if you keep reactivating the same mental pathways (which is why you can do years of therapy and feel worse!).
You need someone who can help you with subconscious mind rewiring, somatic experience, and parts integration.
Which is precisely what I do!
I love helping high achievers like yourself achieve their next level of success - and would love to help you with this too.
I have multiple ways to help you, from an intensive 90 day program to a longer engagement with a monthly subscription to my support to really entrench the changes - and watch you soar to new heights.
I’ll work with you personally to figure out what’s best for your situation.
Whether you want to focus on your career and wealth or your relationship, it’s all interconnected - and I can absolutely help you with it all.
If this sounds good to you, schedule a 20-minute call with me today and let’s chat.
