“Meditate, and just let go” Why does meditating and just ‘letting go’ not seem to stop my anxiety or make it fully go away?

I’m going to say something that I’m a little bit scared of saying but feel is important. Eek. Here I go.

I think that the common pop culture narratives around meditation, mindfulness, letting go, surrendering, trusting the universe, etc etc, can be dangerously dismissive.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’ve trained as a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction teacher, and have been meditating since I was 16. It’s a daily practice, and I honestly don’t know where I’d be without it. I’ve read more spiritual books than I can name, and some, like Peter Singer’s “the Untethered Soul’ did drastically change my life. They gave me paradigm shifts and flipped my world on its axis. I’m deep into the plant medicine world and believe in ego deaths. I find healing in embodiment practices and can vouch for the power of now.

And yet - time and time again, I find myself talking to my coachees and clients about how meditation, letting go, and just surrendering doesn’t seem to be cutting it for them.  No matter how many Joe Dispense meditations they do, books they read, universes they lean in to trust, they still feel - stuck. Unable to go deeper. Unable to shake off that niggling feeling of something being off. Unable to ground themselves as fully as they’d like. Unable to just ‘be’.

So why doesn’t it seem to work for so many of us?

The reality is that most of us don’t have the luxury of being able to practice meditation and surrendering in the ways that the great coaches and teachers of the practices have been able to. I have no doubt that if we all sat under a tree for 6 hours a day, or on top of a mountain, or were able to plan our days meticulously around calming contemplative practices, eat the same nourishing food, wear the same simple clothing, invest into rituals, exercises etc. -- we might be happy to just meditate our way through life. I can see how through meditation and surrendering we might be able to let go and detach from our so-called problems.

The issue is, we generally don’t have the time or energy. In this modern day neoliberal hardcore capitalist existence that we find ourselves in, our lives are, unfortunately, likely going to be a little more busy. As workers of society, very few of us are able to just exit the system to find ourselves.

Of course, some of us do. There are those that do silent retreats, escape into solitude and have rigorous practices, and many times these will serve us beautifully. They are brilliant aids to our busy lives. I’ve certainly found retreats to be groundbreakingly helpful at times.

But, perhaps more problematically, is the oversimplified narrative that that’s all we have to do. That disappearing into a meditation, or running off to do 10 days of vipassana, or meditating every morning (whilst optimising it by lying in bed, as I heard one tech founder tell me), that these practices are enough. This is where it gets dangerous. Because very often these can become either avoidance mechanisms or, tokenistic bandaid solutions that pop culture tells us are the silver bullet to actually very real and complex challenges that need addressing.

I fully appreciate and get that yes, the ego is an illusion and our lives are far more esoteric and mystical than we can often perceive. I’m pretty woo woo myself in my belief systems. But I also firmly believe and want to respect the reality that we are humans having a human existence, and therefore there are very real and tangible things we need to do to tackle the challenges we encounter. Shutting off into meditation won’t solve this. And it’s a lot to ask of ourselves.

That’s why I find the performativity of letting go, meditating, commonplace mindfulness narratives to be slightly problematic. They are great tools, yes, but they don’t automatically lead to salvation or some sort of nirvana like bliss. That’s one of the first things I learned in my intense mindfulness training.

Rather, mindfulness can help us actually go deep into looking at what is going on for us. Not dismissing it, or flagrantly trying to just ‘let it go’ and ‘be zen’, but go deep into the darker stuff. The harder stuff. Mindfulness can help us actually go into the anxiety we feel, into the burnout, into the tension, pain, discomfort. It can help us begin to listen to what’s really going on for us. To connect to ourselves.

This is what I do with my clients. If they tell me that they are anxious, or have fears, imposter syndrome, a niggling sense that something is off, whatever it might be, I don’t tell them to just meditate or breathe through it. I have tried to meditate and breathe my way through an unhappy relationship and I can tell you, it doesn’t work ;)

Rather, I invite them to lean in. I teach them the art of learning to discern what sort of tapping they are tuning into. To discern what sort of a message the anxiety, or fear, or niggle is trying to convey. To not be afraid of it, to not rush to dismiss it or let it go, but to give it space to speak, to listen to it, to hear what it has to say. I don’t suggest that they attach to it, or identify, but in the mindful art of listening, they are able to connect with themselves in such a way that empowers them to act In greater alignment as they move forward with their lives. To not just try to let things go, but to look at them and fix them, whilst also remaining aware of the deeper wisdom within them that’s guiding them.

Mindfulness can be a wonderful tool when used to connect deeper with ourselves, rather than to dismiss ourselves.

How do you find mindfulness to benefit your life? Does any of this relate to you?

Message me on LinkedIn or email me to continue the conversation - I’d love to hear from you.