Blog Posts
“My partner doesn’t care about my interests?They get defensive, shut down, and snub me?” Here’s why and what to do.
Aren’t you kind of annoyed when your partner shows no interest in the things that YOU’RE interested in?
Especially the things that involve mental and spiritual growth, the things that change you as a person?
After all, you show interest in THEIR hobbies, activities, and what they’re reading or working on.
You make a real effort to stay up to date with them on things, ask questions, and be engaged.
But when it comes to you - they snub your interests.
If you try to share about a personal development book you read, or the retreat you want to go on, for example, they don't really respond, or engage, or even worse, they get defensive and seem to perceive it as an attack.
Which is baffling to you, because surely your growth should be something that they care about?
“I’ve lost the spark and attraction with my partner. What do I do?” Here’s why - and what to do about it.
Firstly, know that you’re not alone.
Many high-functioning professionals I work with share a common complaint:
"We used to have chemistry.
Now it just feels flat. We’re like co-parents, friends, and it’s not exciting anymore.
I just don’t feel attracted to my partner."
For some, the relationship has lasted a decade or more.
For others, the decline came faster.
Either way, the spark is gone, and they’re wondering if that means the love is too.
Is it possible to no longer be attracted to their partner?
Were they ever really?
Is it time to end things?
Or are they the problem and they’re somehow sabotaging things?
And these folks are highly capable, high-achieving, smart professionals who are able to figure most things out - yet this, their romantic life, their marriage, feels uncertain.
Now, blaming the relationship makes sense - but in my experience, the problem isn’t always the partner.
"You're so unkind to me; you don't love me". Ever been told this by your partner?
Does your partner accuse you of being unloving and unkind, even though you’re trying extremely hard in the relationship?
Perhaps you’re doing your best to give them attention, validation, respect and kindness (even though you are struggling yourself)
And yet your partner say that you’re not doing enough, that you're the problem, maybe you’re yelling (even though you don’t think you are), that you’re invalidating their feelings, that you don’t get it.
So quite frankly, you feel ignored and unappreciated.
Can you save a struggling relationship?
Can you save a struggling relationship?
Maybe, but only if you do this….
Two words:
Get help.
Now, I know what you’re probably thinking
"I can handle this alone! I don't need anyone else's help."
"Of course she says that"
"I'm FINE!"
Then you’re exactly who needs to hear this right now.
Because if you’re an ambitious professional - you’ve likely been extremely competent your whole life.
You’ve built companies, led teams, driven results that most people could only dream about.
And you’re relentless with problem solving, and getting things done.
You're excellent at it, in fact.
Why do we divorce? Here’s the main reason
80% of divorces happen because of a slow and steady emotional disconnect over the years.
NOT because of drama and conflict.
Or infidelity.
Or ‘money’.
Just a slow and steady decline.
Two people, living separate lives over the years. Disengaged.
The reason this is so prevalent isn’t because people just ‘grow apart’.
In my experience, it’s typically because most people are so focused on their careers and chasing money, and then kids and raising a family, that they lose sight of each other.
It’s an issue of neglect.
Should I leave my partner? How to know what to do when the stakes are high, and you’re feeling stuck in limbo.
When the stakes are high, and you’ve spent a few years…even decades with this person, it can feel utterly paralysing to contemplate leaving everything you have built with them behind.