Why do we divorce? Here’s the main reason

80% of divorces happen because of a slow and steady emotional disconnect over the years.

NOT because of drama and conflict.

Or infidelity. 

Or ‘money’.

Just a slow and steady decline.

Two people, living separate lives over the years. Disengaged.

The reason this is so prevalent isn’t because people just ‘grow apart’. 

In my experience, it’s typically because most people are so focused on their careers and chasing money, and then kids and raising a family, that they lose sight of each other.

It’s an issue of neglect. 

They stop genuinely caring how each other’s day went. 

Stop bringing each other tea in the morning. 

Stop holding the door open, buying flowers when passing a flower seller just because. 

Work and kids take centre stage, and then as the friendship slowly fades…

The couple don’t have time (or energy) to address the disconnect.

The chasm grows wider and wider…

…and more and more awkward.

Things become more and more left unsaid.

And the threat of conflict or a blow up becomes more and more uncomfortable.

Until…nothing is really addressed. 

Everything is ‘fine’. We’re ‘fine’. Things are ‘good’. 

But they’re not, and actually one or the both of you are already quietly contemplating your exit. 

The chasm feels too insurmountable after years of growing, and an exit - someone new - something else - feels easier and more compelling than rolling your sleeves up to wade through the gnarly years of discontent together.

The Gottman Institute maps this out as how most relationships end.

A sad, slow, conflict-avoidant…fade.

Sort of a pathetic end which is then hit by the rude awakening of an inevitably painful, expensive, and traumatizing divorce. 

Which is what, ironically, we ultimately want to avoid. 

So the solution of course is to wake up and stop - 

Recognize that avoiding the disconnect and conflict now is saving you from that god-awful divorce later

And make a commitment to improve things.

Which can look as simple as starting to educating yourself on the causes of disconnect. 

Because unless you want an expensive divorce down the line, it’s your best bet for future happiness.

So make that decision.

Start reading my posts. Watch my masterclass. Listen to my podcast. 

There's a ton of resources out there to help you start turning things around for you.

Don’t let yourself fade slowly into territories you will regret later.

But you have to DO something. 

I can't tell you  how many men jump on calls with me, tell me earnestly how crap their marriage is and how much they need my help

And then when it comes to the commitment of actually doing something, they disappear. 

(Which, let’s be honest, says a lot about why their marriage is where it is.)

If you're serious about wanting clarity, connection, or even just some damn peace of mind…
it starts by taking the first step.

The right resources are out there.

The question is:
Will you actually use them?

I’m here to help you. Lots of ways I can do that. DM me YES to learn more.