Why trusting your gut instinct about your relationship is a bad idea.

Have you ever struggled to tap into your gut instinct about what to do with your relationship when you’ve felt pangs of uncertainty about your future with your partner (especially on the cusp of the new year)?

And you’ve struggled to know what is your gut instinct, and what is…fear?

Here's the thing:

The mainstream idea that you can and should always trust your gut is very problematic and reductive. Most people’s gut instinct is utterly riddled with fear, old outdated childhood messages, and past pains that totally shroud it.

For example, if you have a past pain from your childhood around being the kid who was always having to achieve, be the best, aim high, shoot for the stars (because your parents pushed you and wanted the best for you), and therefore you developed a core wound around being not good enough, because the implicit subtext of this message is that you aren’t good enough when you just relax and be yourself…you always have to achieve and aim higher…

That may lead you to conclude that your relationship is also not good enough, and you are somehow not having enough romance, or intimacy, or deep conversations, or fulfilling physical connection or similar - when that might not be the case at all.

And so because you have this internal sensation, that things are ‘off’ or ‘wrong’ or somehow ‘not enough’ and you are craving more…yearning for something else with your partner

Trying to trust your gut on this and make a conclusive judgement about what to do, is going to be a terrible idea indeed.

Because that ‘gut instinct’ is not a gut instinct at all.

It’s just the past pain living inside of your body gnawing away at you, giving you that sensation.

The thing is, when we have past pains - painful experiences from our childhood that we haven’t processed - they stay trapped in our body. They stay stuck in there like small (or big) traumas.

And unless we tend to them and process them, they stay there.

And they in effect serve to shroud, to mask our TRUE gut instinct.

They act like blockers.

In fact, they often flare up when you’re triggered, and give you this full bodied sensation that you will mistake FOR being the gut instinct.

But they aren’t at all.

The gut instinct is something else entirely, living beneath all these blocks and past pains.

The problem is, most folks are fully unaware of all the blocks and past pains that they have.

So when they experience something in their relationship, and they feel some discomfort or pain, they immediately think, ‘Ooof, my gut is telling me something is off’.

And because pop culture loves to glorify the gut instinct as the intuitive solution to all things (which it absolutely can be), people can be quick to assume any powerful sensation in the body is a gut instinct.

It isn’t - it's often a past pain flaring up.

So until you have identified what past pains you’re carrying around, and actually cleared them out, you can’t really be expected to trust your gut instinct at all.

Because what you are feeling likely isn’t your gut instinct in the first place.

So just defaulting to listening to it, is … not the best decision for you ;)

Now, if you want to learn to REALLY listen to your gut instinct, you can - you first have to clear out the old gunk from your past that is blocking it.

Because your gut really is as powerful as pop culture (and ancient texts) tells us. It’s essentially the second brain inside of you, the amalgamation of all the bits of data out there being filtered through by your body, brain and entire being and made sense of. Very cool stuff and a super helpful tool to have with you.

So when you are in a relationship, or dating, having a trusty gut instinct to lean upon and help you sense check things is truly brilliant.

In fact, I knew in my ‘gut’ right from the first week of meeting my husband that I would either marry him or someone like him - even though he was radically different to any other man I’d ever dated (and not even my type, but that’s another story ;)

To tap into your true gut and use it though, you have to clean yourself up a bit.

Which is precisely where I can help!

In my 90 day program, I help you get clear on what your past pains are and how they are blocking you. I help you overcome these, using neuroscience, so that you’re clear.

This will help you connect with your true gut instinct and start to gain the clarity you seek on your relationship.

We go further though, using your gut to then dig deeper into yourself, who you are, and get clarity on what you need to be truly happy, what you want your future to truly look like, and so on, so that you can create your best relationship yet.

I also share with you science backed tools for communication, intimacy, connection, boundaries and many other wonderful things that you need to have a healthy, secure, meaningful relationship.

If you're interested in the 90 day program, click here for more information.