5 reasons why you aren’t attracting (or already in) a healthy, meaningful, fulfilling relationship
You want to be in your dream relationship but can’t seem to create it?
Whether you’re single and have been struggling for years to find the right match for you, or you’re in a long term relationship (or marriage) but are feeling unfulfilled in it…it may be that you are blocking yourself unconsciously from having exactly what you want.
This isn’t to say you’re doing it consciously or that it’s somehow your fault - we all have blockers and blind spots that we aren’t aware of, and that we gained as children (without realizing it or choosing it).
So if you ARE blocking yourself, rest assured you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. Not at all.
But do know that you have the power and right to change that for yourself…
…and you don’t HAVE to stay blocked, or blocking yourself
In fact, if you really do want that dream relationship, whether you’re single or in a relationship, your best bet IS to take ownership of these blocks and do the inner work to clear them out.
Which can be fast, if you put your mind to it, and have the right support (which is precisely what I am all about - 3 to 6 months and you’re free to see and attract clearly).
So what are these unconscious blocks? Here are 5 of the most common ones I see with successful professionals:
Block 1
First of all, you believe that you’re fine and don’t need to do any inner work.
This is a hugely common one and ultimately probably the worst of all.
Because the reality is, every single human on this planet has inner work to do. Some philosophies would say that the whole experience of human life is a returning home to our authentic selves, to our inner core. Which really is just another way of saying, spending your whole life unpacking and dismantling the layers of ‘stuff’ that have piled up around your authentic inner core. Your spiritual self. Your soul. Your consciousness.
And these layers of stuff are your ego, your conditioning, your wounds, your programming from your parents, the patterns you’ve learned, the beliefs you’ve adopted and so on - and all the ‘stuff’ that you’ve accumulated from a young age.
So to that end, unless you were born into some sort of a spiritual pure temple where all you’ve done is been showered with love, praise, acceptance and self compassion all day and every day from the day of your birth…which, even then, you probably have been blocked in some other ways…
…you’re going to have blocks that you need to clear.
We all have to do this inner work.
I literally cannot emphasize that enough.
And saying you don’t, is akin to essentially being either in denial, a coward, or just lazy.
Block 2
You don’t believe that true love, healthy and fulfilling relationships, and deep spiritual levels of intimacy are possible.
You tell yourself that you’re just not the type of person to find that sort of love. You’re too rational. Logical. Busy.
Or maybe there just aren’t any good catches left out there. Or maybe your husband or wife just isn’t that type of person.
Or maybe you’re set in your ways now, you’re settled, and it’s too late to change anything.
Settling for crumbs like this (which is what you are doing) is laziness. It’s your low self esteem speaking (which comes from point 1).
This sort of magical, dream-like love DOES exist. It’s not unicorns and roses all day, no, but it’s conscious, deep, meaningful love that is absolutely what life is all about.
It exists, and you are worthy of it, and you deserve it.
So if you hear yourself saying, it’s not possible, or you can’t have it, just know that this is a form of self denial, low self esteem, and, I hate to say, it but self sabotage speaking (because on an unconscious level you probably don’t believe you’re capable or worthy of having this sort of love, so you push it away when you imagine it being possible, as a means of proving your unconscious self that you are right…because the brain likes congruence. Have I lost you? Don’t worry, just know that this type of love exists, and anything that seems like otherwise is an excuse of some sort).
Block 3
This brings me to point 3. You push it away unconsciously when you get close to it.
Why?
Because of point 1, the wounding, programming, patterns and all that stuff you’ve inherited from your caregivers, your parents, society, and so on, growing up…isn’t really the best for your self esteem.
We live in a society that doesn’t really breed the happiest of folks at a baseline, and the conditioning we get is pretty poor.
So this is the basis of your low self esteem or low confidence, whatever you want to call it.
And so this means that on a deep down level, you fundamentally don’t believe that you are worthy of having the type of love that you are seeking.
So whenever it comes close to you, or you start to attract it, or meet someone capable of giving it to you, you feel internal repulsion…or you push it away…or you self sabotage it.
This is when you start to project fear, criticism, find problems with the person, or nitpicking your relationship.
Maybe you suddenly find them unattractive, or their laugh annoying.
Your mind might have an automatic habit of just repelling partners that are actually good for you because you’re internally not believing you are capable of being matched with them (because of that low self esteem wound) and so you sabotage the connection in some way.
Block 4
You actually ARE in the wrong relationship or dating the wrong people.
When your core programming is wounded and a bit off, as noted above, which is likely going to be the case unless you’ve done deep inner work to pull out the root causes of your wounds (and therapy or talking about it isn’t enough), then your filter is going to also be off.
This means the place from which you’re attracting people and the compatibility markers you have aren’t going to be grounded in your best, most authentic honest self. They're going to be tainted.
This doesn’t mean that your relationship or dating life is doomed, but it does mean that you might have created partnerships from places where you’re not fully connected to your full potential, and so you outgrow them quickly as you evolve, or they’re superficial connections that just don’t last the length of time.
It is always much better to do the deep inner work, get clear on compatibility markers, who you are at your core, and create love from THIS place. Which can mean your relationship evolving and improving (always a good thing), or finding a partner that is a better fit.
This is why some of my clients say that they would ban folks from getting married in their early 20s before they really know who they are!
Block 5
You tell yourself that you are fine.
Denial is a great strategy to float through life and be unhappy…and not admit it.
And this is one I see a LOT. People coming to me and telling me that their love life isn’t quite where they’d like it to be, they aren’t all that happy, things could be better, and oodles of passive aggressive humorous statements…
But then they don’t do anything about it.
They whinge, complain.
They talk about how lousy their partner.
Or their relationship is going down the drain.
Or their dating life sucks.
And there aren’t any good men or women out there anymore.
And they’re over it…so they don’t care anymore, they just don’t want it.
This is super sad, because the truth is, deep down we’re all craving love. We all want to be loved, seen, heard.
We all want to feel safe, loved, and chosen.
So to say that you don't, is to deny a fundamental core part of yourself.
And another form of self abandonment.
Which further erodes your self esteem 🙁
So there you have it, 5 reasons why you’re not feeling happy in your relationship.
The best thing is, you can solve this.
All you have to do is learn the Behavioral Science of Attraction, the 3 phase end to end process that takes you through all the tools and techniques, learning and development that you need to go through to:
Clear out your wounds and patterns so that you’re free from your past
Get clear on what you want and need to be happy long term
Build a strategy that is in full integrity with your life so that you can live your best life now
Based on neuroscience, behavioral science and social science - so that you have full support from day 1, to the point you’re successfully in love.
It took me over 15 years of study and over $100k to accrue the learnings that I teach, and you can get them in just 3 - 6 months - and at a MUCH more affordable price point!
