3 Reasons why your relationship isn’t working for you
Being in relationship limbo and not knowing whether to stay or go is one of the hardest, and most debilitating places to be.
You can feel like you’re losing your mind.
Going slightly crazy, your mind constantly going back and forth, deliberating over what to do, what’s wrong with you, what’s wrong with the relationship, what’s wrong with them.
Googling for answers, trawling through internet forums trying to see if other people have felt this way. Talking to friends, watching reality TV shows about love and trying to see if other people have been through similar dilemmas.
You find yourself wondering whether it’s just you, whether it’s your self sabotage, or whether it’s the relationship.
Here are 3 reasons that your relationship isn’t working for you:
Reason 1: You are self-sabotaging
Yes, this is extremely common and in many ways, we all do this. You may be doing this in your own relationship. This happens not because you’re a bad person, or you’re trying to destroy the relationship, or because you’re flawed…but because you have core wounds deep down inside of you, from your childhood, that need cleaning. That need healing.
We all have these core wounds. It’s part of being human.
Some have them worse than others because their upbringing was slightly more emotionally neglectful - whether that’s because your parents were busy working, building their careers, or you went to boarding school, or your parents were a bit controlling and neglected your needs. It doesn’t make them BAD parents it just means that they didn’t have the most contemporary and healthy parenting skills, and it left some scars.
Those scars lead to certain behaviors later in life that aren’t ideal. We can call them maladaptive behaviors, and typically they’re innocent mechanisms trying to get you what you need in life. They’re coming from a good place, your desires, they’re just not the best strategies.
So for example, if you find yourself treading on eggshells around your partner because you're afraid to speak up, and rock the boat…you may have a core wound around being heard. Maybe your parents used to tell you, children are seen not heard. Maybe they simply didn’t listen to you much. And so you have a core need around keeping the peace, and safety, because you didn’t like getting told off back then.
So now, your core need for peace and safety means you stay quiet, rather than speak up, to your partner.
And that keeps the relationship in a state of stagnation, because you aren’t bringing your full, whole self, to the relationship.
This is an example of maladaptive behavior. It’s coming from a pure, innocent place - you want to keep the peace - but it also hurts your relationship.
To change this, you need to heal your core wounds.
To heal your core wounds, you need a professional (9 times out of 10, anyway). And that is precisely what I specialize in (after 15 years of professional and personal experience).
Reason 2: You’ve outgrown your partner
When most people get into relationships, they do it from a place of love, a bit of lust, and common values. Things feel like they click and it seems like a no brainer. Your sense of humor aligns, your values align, and you feel like this is a good person to get into partnership with. It makes sense. And, you love each other. So why not?
You’re also so keen for love, and to be loved, that marriage seems like the logical next thing to do and so of course, you end up married before too long. And sure, for the first few years, things are pretty magical.
The problem is, humor, values, and getting along isn’t enough to carry a relationship long term.
Compatibility is MUCH more sophisticated than that.
And it’s something we don’t talk about in society.
There are two things at play here:
Oftentimes most people are getting into a relationship before they’ve done any deep inner work to clarify what core wounds they have, how they show up, and which ones need clearing…so that they can free themselves from their past and know clearly, WHO they are deep down, and WHAT they need deep down to be happy long term. Most folks just do this from a superficial place, from their head, and whilst full of wounding. Again, we all have this, it’s just a matter of whether you’ve cleared this stuff or not.
Second of all, if you don’t have the same level of relational maturity and you aren’t both progressing in your own relational evolution together…navigating conflict, navigating hard conversations, and so on, then one of you (the one reading this article) is potentially going to outgrow the other. Relational maturity is a key part of compatibility.
Compatibility overall is a deep and multifaceted area to look at, and you have to do the inner work to see this clearly. Otherwise your ego and wounds are going to shroud your viewpoint.
Reason 3: You’re living two separate lives
Lastly, if you’re both busy working, achieving, building your careers and so on, it can be easy to grow in separate directions. Two separate lives. This can happen without you even realizing it. And it can happen quickly, as much as it can happen slowly, insidiously, whilst you’re at conferences, flying on planes, networking. This isn’t necessarily terminal though…you can reclaim things, but you need to know how, and you need to have the intention. Both of you. This is where couples work is powerful, but also doing your own inner work to overcome the sabotaging patterns that led you to grow apart in the first place.
None of these are terminal. Though this list isn’t exhaustive.
You absolutely CAN transform your love life and you CAN level it up.
Whether that’s discerning clearly that the right decision is to leave, or HOW to level up your relationship, or how to create your best relationship.
I can help you with all of this with the Behavioral Science of Attraction, my science-based methodology.
Because my mission is to help empower successful professionals like yourself to get the love you deserve. Sometimes you need someone who has walked in your shoes to help you gain complete clarity when the stakes are so high.
I’ve helped tons of executives and entrepreneurs get the clarity they deserve - and would love to help you too.
