What am I doing wrong? Common dating myths that are holding you back
We know that business and money is basically all about mindset. Dating and relationships are largely the same. Here are the common myths that I see holding people like you back:
Where they can meet a quality mate - A lot of high achievers don’t believe that they can meet people at say a bar or a club. Admittedly, these places have their own pitfalls, and we often have our own biases around these types of places. For example, I was spending a lot of time at business networking events and professional places, yacht clubs, rowing clubs, and Oxford clubs, thinking I’d meet an ‘elite’ man here. In the end, I met my partner at a festival. There’s an intellectual bias and exclusivity which is damaging us in the long run.
Opposites attract - This is an oversimplified idea and used to justify being with someone who is incompatible with them. Of course it can work, but it’s a superficial myth and typically brings more heartache than happiness.
You have to be perfectly compatible - Also not true. There’s a sweet spot and middle ground here. Values have to align for the most part but we can have differences on top of that, absolutely.
For women - The man has to be the breadwinner, superior, smarter or older, an advisor, father figure, someone they respect and admire. You have to respect him, absolutely, but respect can manifest with different things. How he holds himself is far more important.
For men - Woman has to be younger, fertile, ‘in her prime’, more docile, vulnerable, idolising him. I’d question this. In the long run, do you really want to be dating an infantilised child?
Both genders - Most men and women have restrictions around age, height, looks, education (I was convinced I needed a man with a Masters degree). Again, this is very restrictive and probably not true.
People don't meet in real life anymore – This is a myth. A total, total myth.
Dating has to be hard - It doesn’t.
Tinder/dating apps are just for hookups - Also not true, I met my ex-fiance on Bumble. Plenty of people meet there.
Everyone is burned by dating and no one wants to date anymore - Not true.
No one wants commitment anymore - Most people do. It just it might look different to different people.
Arbitrary rules around sex - e.g. Minimum 5 date rule to sleep with someone, not dating someone for 6 months, etc. There are some boundaries that are necessary but ‘rules’ don’t work when it comes to love. You will throw them out the window for the right person when you are ready - trust me.
Cities, geography, and how they can’t find the right person in a certain city - I fell into this, I was moving countries to find a partner, I didn’t believe I could find people in London etc. I moved to Dubai, London, Oxford, Vancouver…I was always moving for a mate. In the end, it didn’t matter because we started out as long distance. Trust me - the right person will work for you.
All the good ones are taken - I am too old, people in our age bracket are taken etc. Not true. Divorcees and post engagement folks are often some of the best matches you can make because they’ve been through the grind and value relationship more than many.
I can’t date someone living with roommates or living with their parents - Yes, you absolutely can. Someone might be living at home with their parents whilst in flux, caring for an ailing family member, selling their home, relocating countries etc. These hard and fast rules really limit our perspectives. For example, I met my partner when we were essentially moving back home and in a state of transition ourselves. We still had assets, careers, and good backgrounds — but we were in flux. This also meant we were open and available to start a long distance relationship and relocate to a new country together.
What other myths do you have that are holding you back? Email me to share - I’d love to hear from you.
