What has connection got to do with sales?
When it comes to partnering with people and exchanging value, it’s no surprise that sales and psychology go hand in hand. Whether it’s the psychology of persuasion, influencing people, negotiation or navigating objections, people skills are second skin to the art of selling. Traditional sales training has typically focused on these skills, whilst also sharing the more tactical strategies. Strengthening us sales folk to become go-getters, sales champions, and challengers necessitates teaching effective communication, active listening, building rapport, and networking. This has historically been helpful in terms of arming your sales teams with the necessary relationship building skills to go and close those deals (when has building rapport not been useful?), but it’s typically fallen short of taking into consideration the very real struggles salespeople encounter. Burnout, high-stress, pressure, exhaustion, self-doubt, and the endless barrage of ‘no’s, means that sales people are particularly susceptible to suffering in the workplace. I know I personally have burned out on multiple occasions.
Luckily, in recent years, behavioural science companies have begun to open up the conversation around salespeople and mental health. They know we’re anxious, recognize it’s hard, and have started advocating for us. Thank god. Companies are recognising that sleeplessness, anxiety, and imposter syndrome all contribute to the erasure of our capability to deliver. If we’re exhausted and struggling to build a pipeline because the economy is down, and we can't sleep, eat, or think straight because our neck is on the line with our mortgage, some companies have recognized this and are extending some support. Not all, but luckily some. Fortunately, coaching has been shown to help support sales teams with their wellbeing has been shown to be overwhelmingly effective, and helping us overcome our own psychological blockers, limiting beliefs, and build the confidence that we need to thrive, is worth it for the bottom line.
That being said, I can say wholeheartedly that for me, the biggest consistent denominator in all of my sales successes (and failures) is connection. It has been the key for my ability to succeed – and above all, succeed sustainably.
Let me explain what I mean.
By connection, I mean this idea of connecting to ourselves, connecting to others, and connection to the world at large. I discuss this idea in more depth in my programs here, but for now I will explain it in brief:
Connection to self refers to our ability to know our needs, drivers, psychological blockers, motivators, struggles, traumas, projections, and in essence all the intricacies of who we are on a deep inner level.
Connection to others refers to our depth of connection to other people - our partner, family, friends, colleagues and our clients. Our ability to build relationships, show up authentically and be seen, feel heard and validated, express our needs and boundaries, meet them at theirs, and have honest and transparent, genuine connections.
Connection to the world refers to our sense of who we are and what we do in this lifetime on this planet. It speaks to our sense of purpose. From our community dynamics to the meaning we give our work, our connection to the world encompasses our purpose, place, impact and legacy.
For me, when I have thrived in sales, it's because I was fully connected in all three arenas of my life. When I have exceeded quota year on year, sustainably, feeling solid, strong, balanced, clear and happy, it’s because I felt:
Deeply connected to myself
I knew what I needed to wake up each morning and do my best work. Whether it’s a big breakfast and a nap at lunchtime because I had a bad sleep from the thunderstorm outside, or to power through because I was in flow and on a roll, I knew. I was able to feel clearly and articulately what my body needed and I prioritised meeting those needs. I would wake up when I needed to (within reason - but I would also go to sleep when I needed to, because I would listen to my body). I would eat what nourished me. I would take breaks when they felt appropriate. I prioritised bathroom breaks, my meditation, and self-care. If I had an important client call, I’d take the time to connect with myself with grounding exercises and mental preparation. I visualised the outcomes I wanted for myself (exceeding quota), and focused on celebrating my wins. What’s interesting here, is that I’ve worked for a company that went on and on about wellbeing but put so much dog eat dog pressure on us that it was all lip service. I lived in a state of fear and frenzy, and in the act of connecting to myself I realised I couldn't stay. In the same vein, when the rest of my life was falling apart - my engagement ending, a war raging in my homeland - I was still able to smash my sales targets because I was solving for what I needed. I was able to stay focused, clear, and motivated, because I was tending to myself like a doting carer. I made my work environment beautiful and comfortable - candles, blankets, warm clothing. I had nourishing food, drinks, gave myself breaks, and self soothed throughout the day. I got promoted shortly after. In sum, I was my own best friend, ally, cheerleader, and advocate. I made sure to prioritise myself and my wellbeing, and the sales followed. Sustainably. P.S. Needless to say, I’m a big fan of remote work.
Strongly connected to others
Every time I have exceeded my quotas, it’s because I felt profoundly connected to the people around me. I felt like my team had my back, my manager was my ally, and my clients were my friends. Prospects were potential contacts or exciting new people to get to know, and i felt genuine curiosity and compassion in all of my interactions. I felt supported, held, authentic and free to be myself. Ironically, this doesn't always have to mean we are in person or physically in touch.
One of my happiest jobs and most successful sales careers was at a company where I was utterly alone and isolated throughout Covid-19. I was locked away in my apartment, unable to fly out of the country to meet my colleagues or connect with my clients, suffering a hard relationship at home, yet I was absolutely thriving. I felt so profoundly connected to my manager - she felt like a trusted partner, ally, and someone I could hop onto Zoom and be honest with, text with a concern, and be my authentic true self. It felt liberating and energising. My colleagues felt like friends I could confide in, lean on, and share with. We were banding together to help each other, taking the load off where we could, and rallying each other on when the going got tough. My clients felt like people I was in service to. I wanted to help them, understand their needs, solve their problems, and do my best to make their lives better. I felt so supported and surrounded by goodness, my heart simply felt full. Even when the rest of life looked hard. And of course, my sales were flying.
Passionately connected to the world
When I have felt clear on my purpose and place in life, I have been deeply motivated to do good. And that drives results. I have had jobs where I was struggling with the teams, and perhaps myself wasn't in a great place. I recall one where my manager was almost definitely an alcoholic and so volatile, I felt deeply unsafe in their presence. I found the whole dynamic so horribly stressful, my mental health took a toll, but the purpose behind my work, a philanthropic initiative, meant that I had fuel to my fire and was able to keep going. It wasn’t sustainable though, even as I hit my targets. I left. In other roles, I’ve maybe had the most lovely team and felt in a good place, but the point of the work seemed so redundant or futile, I couldn't bring myself to put the energy and time in.
Early in my career, I was in situations where the sales were easy, everything was just easy, but I honestly couldn’t bring myself to care about the end product and its mission, and just couldn't do it. But when I have felt connected to the purpose, believing in the end goal, trusting the narrative, and knowing that it’s all real, it has meaning, I have generally been able to get results. I’ve felt motivated, alert, determined, and eager. Even when the team has been difficult, or the circumstances far from ideal, I have been able to plough on. The sweetest job, of course, was when I felt safe and held by my team, strong in my own self-care capabilities, and full of belief for the mission.
Of course, connection encompasses the more traditional ideas of sales skills like being able to build trust with others, rapport, manage our own time, believe in the product etc. It’s nothing that new. But I find breaking it down into these three arenas particularly helpful. When I am working with founders who are burning out, not getting results, or feeling unsure of their next steps, I often bring up these three arenas to explore where they might be disconnected. Oftentimes they’re simply disconnected from themselves, and bludgeoning themselves to succeed at the cost of their wellbeing. Which obviously doesn't work - not in the long term, anyway. Similarly, they might be disconnected from their co-founder, unable to manage conflict, navigate challenging topics, or support each other.
With one set of co-founders, I found that they had everything going for them but simply didn't know how to support each other. They didn't know what each other needed, or how to express support. They just felt disconnected - and this made their work so, so much harder. Equally, some founders struggle to make sense of what they’re doing. Maybe it had a purpose for them at the start, but as time went on, their responsibilities evolved, or their identity changed, they weren’t so sure anymore. Perhaps they lost funding or things just felt bleak and futile. Oftentimes, rather than quitting or trying to work harder, it’s simply an act of helping them figure out where the purpose is. Seeing the wood through the trees, and figuring out what is driving them - even if it's changed. There are always ways to reconnect with purpose. It just requires self-knowledge (i.e. self-connection) and a few nifty exercises and tools to go deep.
So there you have it - my take on what makes sales success sustainable.
What do you think? What has helped you make your sales consistently a winning game? Message me on LinkedIn or email me — I’d love to connect with you.
