Why do Executives need Relationship Coaching?
It’s the week of my Live Masterclass (this Thursday, 5.30pm GMT) and we still have a handful of places left - so sign up here
I’ll be walking you through the fundamentals of my science-based 3 phase process (that I use to teach CEOs, Executives, Hollywood Film Directors, Philanthropists, and HNWIs) on how to become a Master at your personal relationships in a proven, systematic, and structured way.
I’m a nerd at heart and passionate about getting clients results - so trust me on this when I say, you will regret missing it. I’m also bored of the watered down, superficial, nonsensical advice we get in society about relationships, so you can expect something MUCH more robust in this one hour training.
Now onto the Newsletter…
I’ve been asked a few times lately why I focus on relational coaching with executives and entrepreneurs specifically.
Why them?
Given we’re on LinkedIn and most of us here are seasoned professionals, here’s why:
Executives, thanks to the demanding nature of their careers (which I can absolutely relate to), tend to experience unique challenges in their romantic relationships.
Here are some common challenges they might face:
Lack of time and emotional availability:
Long work hours and demanding schedules leave little time for quality time with a date or partner. Working hard, prioritising networking, deadlines, and getting things done…lead to feelings of neglect and loneliness for others. And I get it, when you’re so ambitious and driven, you have a mission, you have something you’re aiming for, and you can see the longterm benefits, it totally makes sense to prioritise your career. BUT, friends, the reality is this will always be the case when you’re a go-getter and it likely will never be enough. Your dates and partners will always feel neglected…unless you find someone who is compatible with your level of ambition (a big part of my methodology) and able to match with you on this or at least support you. It IS doable AND you will need rigorously good communication, boundaries, clarity on what you and they need, and a structure to honour your ambition with your relationship.
The emotional toll of their work may make it difficult for them to be fully present and emotionally available for their partners. When you’re exhausted from a long day of work, of course you’re not going to be 100% present for your partner or date. That’s to be expected. It doesn’t make it okay or any better for them, though. Not saying you have to quit your work at all here but you will need some tactical strategies to mitigate for this risk of burnout and emotional unavailability. They do exist. Be smart, learn them, and find that win win solution you’re craving. (I talk about how to do this in my Masterclass, FYI).
Difficulty disconnecting from work:
The constant pressure to be reachable and the blurring of work-life boundaries can make it hard to truly disconnect and be present in their relationship. We all want to feel seen and heard. And your dates, partners, loved ones deserve that. Of course when you are on the go 24/7 and glued to your phone / slack, that can be incredibly hard. This isn’t a total deal breaker but you will have to learn some excellent transition strategies to switch gears and make sure your partner or date doesn’t feel so neglected that they leave you - which can, and does, happen. Understandably. Resentment can start early on into the dating process and you will want to be getting this bit right. I will never forget going on a date with a successful founder, some years back, and finding it incredibly irritating that he was on his phone under the table at dinner, then on his phone in the cab, then on his phone back at home. Always on his phone. I get that he was navigating an exit and had a lot on his plate, but I lost interest in him pretty quickly. Do I believe that you can have work-life boundaries whilst navigating extreme work challenges? Absolutely. There ARE ways to do this, you just have to be willing to learn them.
Communication breakdowns:
Busy schedules and different communication styles can create communication breakdowns, leading to misunderstandings and difficulty resolving conflicts. Problem is, communication isn’t a given. Unless you’re securely attached (which again, if you’re over the age of 30, and single, and reading this on LinkedIn, I’m willing to bet you are not - that’s normal and to be expected), you’re going to have insecure attachment style communication patterns. Not your fault, and part of the hand you got dealt, but definitely not ideal for a relationship when you are rushing around and trying to get things done. The odds of you communicating clearly and coherently, with compassion, to your partner, are slim. You’ll likely need training in this arena to improve and learn healthy communication techniques - which, if you’re rushing around and focused on your work, you won’t prioritise learning. And so ergo the problem. No time = no skills = no happy long-term relationship. If you want to change this, you’ll have to make the time. And you can - an hour a week of high quality training is enough to do it, which you can get with my Methodology.
The fast-paced and demanding environment executives navigate might not translate well to the slower, nuanced communication needed in a relationship. Relationships are slow. Slow burns. Yes, you might feel excitement and exhilaration at the outset, but overall the communication will evolve over at least a few years as you get to know each other and establish your ways of being together. Some couples take even longer. Some spend 20 years in the power struggle phase. If you want to allow a relationship to evolve in a healthy pace, with healthy foundations, you’re going to have to slow down and give it the attention and focus it deserves. Again, this doesn’t mean you have to burn your office down to the ground. Or throw your laptop out the window. This just means you have to be intentional, and a little bit disciplined. If you go to the gym and eat relatively well, that tells me you already have that discipline. So learning to do this in your relationships and be attentive, shouldn’t be so hard when you know how.
Feeling misunderstood and unsupported:
The unique pressures and demands of their careers can make them feel their dates and partners don't fully understand their work-life balance or the challenges they face. This, I totally understand. It can feel extremely jarring when a date or partner has little compassion or understanding for the work-life imbalances that most executives feel. This is where if you are single, you have the chance to CHOOSE WISELY and discern deep compatibility based on your level of ambition and live vision for yourself. This is where Stage 8 of my Methodology is a game-changer, since I know first-hand what it takes in terms of getting granular on what will and won’t work for you in a long-term partnership. And you can find someone who will be your ally and support, and vice versa. If you’re already in a relationship, this might feel a little bit trickier, but you can create that empathy and compassion with the right tools and techniques. It’s all doable. You just need to know how. If anything, these pressures can create MORE intimacy, vulnerability and connection than a couple who are happy go lucky with no issues at all. But you have to go deep and you have to be willing to be vulnerable here to address the issue - if not, your partner or date will likely feel neglected, isolated, and want out.
Impact on self-esteem:
Difficulties in their personal lives can affect their professional confidence and vice versa, creating a negative feedback loop. I’ve had founders work with me who had an exit that didn’t go to plan. Philanthropists who lost some of their wealth. Executives who didn’t get the promotion. All of these things can be destructive to our self esteem, which naturally can permeate our personal lives. This is when the rubber hits the road with the match you’ve made: are you able to be vulnerable with them? Do they understand you? Can they help you? If so, great, this is your vehicle to greater intimacy. If not, you’ll need to do some work here. Being an executive or founder means a LOT more pressure that can seep into your personal life and render you far more vulnerable than the average person.
Similarly, failure to maintain a healthy work-life balance can lead to feelings of inadequacy and guilt, impacting their self-esteem and potentially affecting their relationships. How many people I work with that feel insecure, guilty, and like they are failing their partner? Whether it’s because they’re travelling too much, working so hard, or cooped up in an office until late. I get it - I’ve been there. And so have virtually all my clients. Again, this is where you’re going to need the RIGHT partner to be supportive and understanding, whilst also someone who can reign you back in when you start to lose sight of the ground. This type of partner absolutely does exist, someone who can raise you up whilst also keeping you firmly rooted with a sense of safety. It boils down to that compatibility and knowing what type of partner you need at the outset (hint - it probably isn’t the type of person you think or ‘want’). And if you’re in a relationship, this is going to come down to that old nugget, vulnerability, and that other nugget, needs. Two of my favourite topics, two of my signature sauces in my Methodology that I teach.
Unrealistic expectations:
Due to their professional achievements, they might unconsciously transfer their high standards and expectations to their personal lives, creating unrealistic expectations for their partners and themselves. If I had a cent for every single single person that comes to work with me who has insanely high standards for their potential match, I’d be a gazillionaire. Like, actually. And I’m not saying high standards are bad or wrong. Heck, if you are working with me and you are investing into your relational growth, you’re going to be a high standard, high quality, high value potential partner. Which is great. BUT we want to be high value and high standard on the RIGHT metrics - not the proxies, not the superficial stuff, not the height or the wealth or the status of someone. But the stuff that REALLY matters. And this is where most folks get it wrong.
Difficulty finding compatible partners:
Lastly, their demanding schedules and social circles might limit their opportunities to meet potential partners who understand and support their career aspirations. On the one hand, execs and entrepreneurs have the lay of the land with all their potential matches - in airport lounges, new cities, investor meetings, sales meetings, yoga studios and so on - so many places to meet people. BUT when your filter and lens is skewed because you’re looking for the wrong things because you haven’t educated yourself or created new neural pathways to automatically look for the right things…then you’re pooped either way. Really doesn’t matter where you are or how busy you are, you’re just going to self-sabotage and miss the right person because you couldn’t spot them even if you tried. Again, you can change all of this if you want to.
Finding someone who can navigate the complexities of their work-life balance can be an additional challenge. Like I’ve said throughout this post - you CAN find a compatible partner if you’re a busy exec and entrepreneur. You just need to stop self-sabotaging, get clear on what you really need and want, and get yourself into integrity to find that. So that it’s natural, easy, effortless for you and so that you can find someone that this a GENUINE match on a deep, soul level, and not just a superficial rendition of what you think you want - but not what you NEED.
If any of this resonates with you, then join my Masterclass where I’ll be walking you through:
Take the 3 MUST-DO steps we ALL have to take in order to find meaningful, long-lasting love and learn how you can avoid becoming another person that gets divorced years down the line
Discover which behavioral science factors might be keeping you from creating THE relationship you’re seeking so that you can stop wasting more time and start moving closer to your ‘one’ today
Nail the ONE key ingredient to successfully balance your career with your love life (from someone who has walked in your shoes) and discover how mastering this will transform your life for the better (including your career, your well-being, your health and everything else).
PLUS - ask ANY questions around dating, relationships, and behavioral science to me directly (valued at $400) live on the call.
