‘Why won’t my partner change?’ The most common pitfall I see career-driven professionals making in their marriage and romantic relationship.
If you're having trouble feeling truly intimate and connected with your partner (sexually and physically) then let me ask you this:
Have you spent the past few weeks (maybe months, years even) biting your tongue, even a little bit with your partner?
Perhaps squashing down how you really have felt about certain things that may have happened in your relationship previously, or things that they have said, or minor (even large) betrayals that you’ve felt?
In fact, you almost don’t even remember what it was like before you started to feel this way?
(Because you have learned to bite your tongue and squash these unpleasant feelings down.
You almost have to, because you know from experience that if you try to be honest and share how you really feel to your partner, things will likely blow up and become full of conflict.
You do not want this conflict, because you know that it never gets you anywhere. In fact, you typically know that if you bring up how you feel to your partner, they will throw it back at you by becoming defensive, upset, grumpy, and sulky.
They may even get angry, or even a little bit violent, and all of that is truthfully hard and upsetting for you. You don’t feel that they hear you, and nothing really changes, so what is the point?
It makes sense to not bring up unnecessary drama, suck it up, and just get over it for yourself, because at least you are in control of that and don’t have to involve them. You know that you can do it.).
Thing is, doesn't it make sense that biting your tongue and squashing these unpleasant feelings down, also tends to also prevent them from going anywhere?
They don’t come out, and definitely not at your partner, at least.
And (therefore) they don’t necessarily come out at all.
And (therefore) do not actually leave your mind and body?
And (therefore) stay stuck inside of you? Not going anywhere?
Yeah. I think that makes sense.
My own behavior as a woman who spent much of her adult life biting her tongue and squashing down her feelings at fear of causing drama, being too much, or upsetting her partner testifies to this.
I know that when I have felt upset, or hurt, or betrayed, or sensed any disconnect with my partner, and I have squashed it down because I dread revealing it to them, or I am simply too busy or need to rush to work, or respond to emails, or just want to have a peaceful night, and so have squashed it down…
It hasn’t gone anywhere. And it’s actually fermented inside of me.
My executive clients also attest to this.
The theme emerges pretty clearly: the professionals who are struggling with their sex life, or any type of physical intimacy, or even just feeling safe and connected with their partner (at an even very basic level) are the ones who are repeatedly biting their tongue and squashing down their feelings with their partners.
They are the ones walking around on eggshells at home, nervous that their partner is either grumpy, angry, or going to get upset.
Which makes sense to the other theme I see consistently:
The executive clients who come out the other side and are having delicious, nourishing, fulfilling intimacy, a healthy sex life, and feel profoundly connected to their beloved, are not squashing down their feelings to their partner.
Mostly, they’re not hiding their expression AT ALL.
Which means, even as it may feel quite scary, you are probably shooting yourself in the foot by trying to preserve the connection by squashing down your feelings.
Which means that sharing your feelings, and being open with your expression in an authentic and honest way that is rooted in embodied love (i.e. exactly how I teach my clients through the Successfully in Love® method), in a regular and ongoing way, letting your connection and intimacy flow cleanly because you are being free with your expression, continues to make the most sense if you want to have a relationship where you feel seen, heard, safe, supported, and connected.
That's just as true whether you have something hard, scary, and uncomfortable to say that could hurt and upset them, or worse, make them ‘leave’ you… or have something light and actually easy.
I have great examples of clients expressing both the scary and the easy, with this method, and I love to share that I've personally practiced this throughout my wonderful marriage, precisely because it’s such a powerful way to create intimacy, connection, and trust quickly.
In fact, I often wonder how much happier the planet as a whole would be if we all practiced this. We would have FAR less problems in the world if people knew how to be honest and authentic and open with each other in an embodied, loving way).
If you want to get a great, quick overview of my entire model for creating the best relationship of your life with your partner (the model has become known as the Successfully in Love® Method, check out this free Masterclass here.
My method covers how to:
Liberate yourself from your blocks and all the self-sabotaging patterns that hold you back from expressing yourself, feeling safe, free, and full of love. 99% of folks will have blocks in this arena (since 99% of us didn’t have perfect childhoods nor grow up with healthy, modern models of true intimacy). These blocks will be sabotaging your sex life and capacity to be truly intimate with your partner.
Reconnect with yourself and what you truly need, your feelings, and your unique gifts AND reconnect with your partner, discovering how to convey that clearly in a way that they will actually hear - and makes YOU feel fulfilled.
Create your ultimate game plan and strategy on how to drastically level up your relationship - and entire life - because once you’ve cleared your blocks, and know precisely what you need to be happy long term, you can transform your happiness levels in your relationship (and life) very quickly. In fact, clients report earning more money and feeling more fulfilled in their careers at this stage, because they have more mental real estate to self actualize and achieve their full potential.
And, this should go without saying, but all of this information is material that you will learn and embody for yourself, so you will not ‘need’ me or any coach, or therapist, in the future.
If you want my 1-on-1 help to liberate yourself from your blocks, free your self expression, process past pains, overcome your self-sabotage, embody and feel full of love, identify and know your needs intimately, master the art of expressing them to your partner, and create a truly connected, intimate, delicious, and trusting relationship with your beloved, then you might be interested in working with me.
We can do this in a number of ways, depending on what you need, so the best next step is to book a call with me.
