Blog Posts
Why Matchmaking alone won’t work for you. Or, why taking short-cuts with your love life is an awful idea.
One of the most depressing things that I hear on a nearly weekly basis is when potential clients tell me that they’d rather invest into a Matchmaker than work with a coach.
Second most depressing thing, is when people ask me when I’ll start doing my own matchmaking service. Heck, it’s the same thing as coaching, right?
Absolutely not.
In fact, it’s in wild opposition to coaching.
Why most of your attempts to change, do self-development, therapy, and coaching won't work
Last week I wrote a post about how most of your attempts to do self development don’t and won’t work. I got a LOT of great feedback on it and folks asking for more information - so I thought I’d write a bigger post.
And it’s true. I stand by what I said.
Most of your interventions around personal development - whether it’s going to therapy, reading self-help books, working with a life coach, or whatever it might be - won’t work. Not long term.
Yes, you‘ll likely feel a buzz and sense of excitement at the initial changes. You’re doing something new. It’s cool. It’s exciting. You’ve got your mojo fired up and your motivation is high.
You show up with discipline at the early stages. You’re keen. You’re motivated.
And then… a few weeks down the line, you’re noticing yourself be a little bit less disciplined. Your energy is down a bit. You’re enthusiasm is dropping.
Before you know it, you’ve forgotten to do the very things you said you would do.
You’re slowly rolling back to square one - back to where you started.
Why dating is a waste of time
Dating is a waste of time.
If you’re a successful, smart, ambitious single executive or entrepreneur - it’s a waste of time.
And I say that, as a relationship coach who helps these folks - men and women - typically between 35 - 55 years old - to find healthy, secure, meaningful love.
Yes, dating is a waste of time.
When I hear people say: ‘Dating is just a numbers game’, and ‘you have to just keep putting yourself out there and eventually you’ll find your person’, all I hear is….
Avoidance. And irresponsibility.
I learned this the hard way.
When I was 32, everything in my life imploded from within.
Why do Executives need Relationship Coaching?
It’s the week of my Live Masterclass (this Thursday, 5.30pm GMT) and we still have a handful of places left - so sign up here
I’ll be walking you through the fundamentals of my science-based 3 phase process (that I use to teach CEOs, Executives, Hollywood Film Directors, Philanthropists, and HNWIs) on how to become a Master at your personal relationships in a proven, systematic, and structured way.
I’m a nerd at heart and passionate about getting clients results - so trust me on this when I say, you will regret missing it. I’m also bored of the watered down, superficial, nonsensical advice we get in society about relationships, so you can expect something MUCH more robust in this one hour training.
“It’ll just work out, right?” Wrong: Why you’re going to fail if you’re just waiting for things to ‘work out’ for you.
Ask anyone out there what the most important things in their life are, and they’re likely going to tell you it’s their wife/husband and kids. If they’re single, ask them what they want most in life, and they’re likely going to tell you that it’s finding their life partner.
Most people, honestly most people on this planet, including virtually everyone I speak to, admit that they spend their lives yearning for that soulmate connection. That type of deep seated, genuine, nourishing love where you feel safe with your partner, you feel free to be yourself, and free to relax knowing that you’ve found them.
“Am I being unreasonable? Am I asking for too much?” Why you can have it all.
Do you ever find yourself wondering:
“Am I being unreasonable?”
“Am I asking for too much?”
“Are my expectations too high?
“Am I too demanding?”
“Do I need to calm down?”
“Do I need to settle?”
And within that, is there a heavy, looming sense of self-doubt? Of self-doubt, perhaps some self-criticism coming out as a frustration with yourself, an irritation, a sense of, ‘why can’t I just figure this out? What’s wrong with me? Why am I always the one with problems in this part of my life?’
10 Ways to Create Healthy Love
It’s the 15th January 2024, and that means it’s my birthday.
And as I write this, I already know that this year feels very different to my last.
Something feels quite, quite different.
Aside from the fact that many things in my life have changed in the past 12 months, there’s a more profound change I feel.
Can you keep your new year resolutions?
We’re in week 2 of 2024.
I’m so curious: how is it going for you?
Are you still full of joy and excitement, eager to tackle your goals, wake up at the crack of dawn to get going, and zoom through everything you want to get done?
Or have you slowly reverted back to your old life? Your normal life? Your December 2023 self, as if nothing had really changed? (Because in many ways, it hasn’t?)
Have your resolutions gradually fallen by the wayside? The shiny feeling of 2024 worn off already?
2024 is here. What are you calling in?
So here we have it. 2024 is here.
As I write, on the 2nd of January, 2024, I feel a delicious sense of possibility. Openness. Expansion. A sense of wonder at what will come. With the whole year ahead of us, each month a new page that remains yet unwritten, we welcome in a clean slate, a fresh start.
Whilst I’m not a huge believer in New Year Resolutions, recognizing how frequently we fail to keep them and how unproductive that subsequent shame spiral is, I am a big believer in fresh starts. And what is a new year, if not a beautiful, long opportunity for a fresh start?
What to do if you’re feeling alone this Christmas? 5 ways to feel better
Christmas is meant to be a time filled with festivities, love, and lots of people around you. Whether it’s family, friends, colleagues at work parties or cosying up with your partner. But for many of you, this just isn’t the case.
Some of you are physically isolated, either unable to be with loved ones, or don’t have loved ones to spend it with. Some of you are with loved ones, but feel alone - despite all the Hallmark merriment outside. And I don’t know what is worse, really. I’ve spent Christmassess feeling both.
It can be a time of intense pressure and isolation, intermingled into a strange blur of feelings.
“It’s lonely at the top” (Part 2)
Your standards are higher than the average
You recognise that you bring a lot to the table and you expect the same from a partner. You look after yourself, you maintain your appearance, you keep abreast of socio-political issues, and have good manners. You’re also well-travelled, well-educated, have a strong network, and of course, an excellent career. You know you can always do more and there’s much more of the ladder to climb, but you recognise that you are a catch.
“It’s lonely at the top.” 5 reasons why finding and keeping a life partner is that much harder for executives and entrepreneurs - and what to do. Part 1.
I still remember crying my eyes out, gulping down sobs of despair on the couch of my Kensington apartment, one sunny Saturday afternoon in June a few years back. I’d been working hard all week and had the whole weekend ahead of me, but felt exhausted, disheartened, and lost.
I was over it.
“When will I be ready to meet my life partner? Is there ever a right time?”
A terrible false belief I hear a lot of is:
"Now isn't the right time for me to focus on my relationships. I need to get my life/work/investments/home in order first, and then I'll look at them".
Sigh. Ooooh sigh. Alright, let’s break this down.
What comes first, a strong relationship with yourself where you know yourself inside out, have clarity and vision around what you need and what you want out of your life, plus a beautifully clear strategy
OR
Accredited professional support with proven behavioural science methodology to help you figure it all out, know what you don't know, and get there quickly?
“Why am I still single?” 6 reasons and what you can do about them.
Even though I work with married couples, relationships, and singles, one of the main questions I hear time and time again - probably THE main question - is ‘Why am I still single’?
It fluctuates from that, to the slight variation of, ‘Where is my person?’, to ‘When will I meet them?’ to ‘How is it possible that I am still single…?’.
In all the clients I’ve supported over the years I’ve noticed certain trends and themes which I’ll share with you below.
How can I improve my relationships? 7 easy ways to transform them
You don’t have to suffer or settle in your relationships. There are always room for improvement and growth! Here are seven ways to take the next steps in your relationships.
Do I need a coach? Why we all need help when it comes to love
One of the biggest fallacies I come across in the world of self development and relationships is this idea that we can figure it all out ourselves. I can understand it. As high-achievers, we like to think that we generally know a lot of things, and we’re smart, so if we put our heads down, we can figure it all out. We can dig deep, learn, read books, follow instagram accounts, digest and put it all together.
Am I destined to die alone? What the science says
I remember when I began to seriously think that this might happen to me. I was asking my friend if she believes people actually do die alone, whilst we walked through Stanley Park in Vancouver one cloudy, autumnal afternoon. She met my gaze with a bemused expression, blinking back at me as she uttered, But of course.”
Do you struggle to be seen?
That I had been hiding in that relationship. That I'd never really let myself be seen. That only towards the end when the veneer had begun to wear crack, when my nerves had begun to give in on me, when my energy had begun to falter…only then, did the real me emerge.
What am I doing wrong? Common dating myths that are holding you back
We know that business and money is basically all about mindset. Dating and relationships are largely the same. There are so many myths around love that have made us skeptical, wary, and even jaded.
Why is what I’m trying not working? Common steps I see high achievers doing in their dating.
Finding a partner is one of (if not the) most important decisions we will ever make in our lives. Endless studies show it affects our health, wellbeing, finances, business, and whole future. Something so high stakes and important seems too important to just leave to chance. Yet no one stops to guide us - and those who do, often operate from a pretty toxic place of superficial advice, short-term solutions, and rarely get the drive and ambition behind our goals.