Blog Posts
‘Why won’t my partner change?’ The most common pitfall I see career-driven professionals making in their marriage and romantic relationship.
My own behavior as a woman who spent much of her adult life biting her tongue and squashing down her feelings at fear of causing drama, being too much, or upsetting her partner testifies to this.
I know that when I have felt upset, or hurt, or betrayed, or sensed any disconnect with my partner, and I have squashed it down because I dread revealing it to them, or I am simply too busy or need to rush to work, or respond to emails, or just want to have a peaceful night, and so have squashed it down…
How to level up your relationship and become Successfully in Love® in 90 days
...you know you’re not feeling 100% sure about your relationship and it’s frustrating you. In fact, it’s giving you anxiety. And you’re not sure that you can keep avoiding the issue and burying yourself into your work because…well, when you’re not able to sleep at night, blinking into the dark at 3am wondering ‘what do I do?’ it’s clearly not something you can ignore.
You need to know this about love
I am so grateful, so unspeakably grateful, that I never gave up on creating the healthy, loving, secure relationship that I know now I deserve.
I am so grateful that I fought for more.
That even when things felt dark, and my future felt so bleak…
…alone, blinking into the dark of our apartment, fighting back tears at midnight, unable to sleep…
…exhausted from endless marriage counseling, processing with my therapist, and feeling afraid of my future…
…feeling alone, unsupported, and scared…
…in my 30s, wanting a family, wanting stability, wanting to finally feel true love and live a full life…
I’m so grateful that I fought for more.
Why are you so lonely, even though you're in a relationship...maybe even married?
Plenty of people simply marry the wrong person.
There is such a thing as marrying the wrong person.
And the worst thing is, you may only find this out AFTER many years have passed.
Typically after the honeymoon has worn off.
The hormones have calmed down.
The oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, and all the delicious cocktail of love-inducing feelings that we get submerged into when we fall in love…have worn off.
What are you going to do?
You do not have as much time as you want.
The morbid reality of this is that we waste so much of our lives faffing about.
Achieving very little.
Complaining about things.
Offloading to our friends, rather than finding tangible solutions
Scrolling on instagram, or LinkedIn, procrastinating…rather than looking inside to see how we’re really feeling
Burying our heads in the sand, numbing out, avoiding things…drinking that extra glass of wine, watching that Netflix show rather than digging deep into WHY we’re numbing out
How can I end the feeling of uncertainty and indecision in my relationship?
One of the hardest things we can experience in a relationship is the feeling of uncertainty and indecision. When we feel stuck in a state of limbo, unable to move forward and relax into the relationship, or unable to exit and start our life anew, we can feel trapped.
It can feel exhausting, in fact.
Being in this liminal space between wanting to stay, loving them, and making it work…but also feeling unsupported, alone, and afraid of your future together…
Feeling like you have to walk around on eggshells a fair amount of the time…
Feeling like there is something wrong with you, maybe you’re fault finding, nit picking, seeing flaws where there shouldn't be any…
Or maybe you’re actually right to be feeling anxious and nervous, maybe there are actually red flags going on…
Maybe you should stay and double down…maybe you should go and find an easier relationship…
…is incredibly hard.
How can I clear resentment between me and my partner?
The longer we have been together with someone, the more likely it seems that we are going to have some resentment for each other. It doesn’t always have to be the case, but it sadly often is.
I see this especially in couples who are busy, working long hours, traveling extensively, and finding themselves locked into tight schedules where there is little time to spend ‘processing’ and ‘wallowing’ in their feelings.
In fact, if you’re a career driven professional, you have very little bandwidth indeed to waste on figuring these things out, and so it's inevitable that over time small injuries will accrue and turn into large resentments. This is precisely why I specialize in working with career-driven executives and entrepreneurs who work long hours, run tight schedules, and don’t have time for endless years of therapy ‘processing’ their feelings.
3 reasons why you’re feeling alone and unsupported in your relationship.
Something I hear all the time from professionals is that they’re feeling alone and unsupported in their relationship.
These professionals are typically career-driven individuals, who work relatively long hours, but at the same time have a lot to show for in life. A beautiful home, a great lifestyle, holidays, lovely children, a good family, and a partner to share it all with.
However, the partner - and the relationship itself - isn’t giving them what they need.
They love their partner, and they love their life together, but ultimately the weight of the relationship, carrying things along, figuring things out, making the big decisions, feels like it’s on their head.
Inevitably, this can become exhausting, start to feel like a burden, and lead to relationship burnout: a state of malaise and fatigue in the relationship, where you feel so tired of the constant arguing, disagreements, the pressure, and sheer weight of it all, drains you.
This is a dangerous place to be, because once you hit burnout, finding the energy to step up and transform the dynamic can feel difficult. And once you find yourself too tired to do anything, the road is bleak.
You will either end up accepting the crumbs that you are settling for, and resigning yourself to a life half lived…or you will end up seeking escape, whether through a breakup, infidelity, or other means.
So why do you feel so alone and unsupported?
What is the number 1 hack to building your best relationship yet?
You asked…and I’ve delivered!
I am so thrilled to announce something very exciting that I know lots of you have been waiting for.
And if you’re feeling disappointed with your relationship…
….and unsure why you’re feeling so disappointed, alone, and unsupported…
…having to make all the big decisions in your relationship, like you have to lead things alone, shoulder the weight of it all, and make all the effort…
…and you desperately wanting things to be better
Because you love your partner, and ultimately, you want to fix things
But you don’t want to have to drag them to marriage counseling or do tons more therapy…
…then this is for you.
5 tips for improving the quality of your marriage or long-term relationship…even if you’re a busy, career-driven professional working 10+ hour days.
Virtually every client I work with works super long hours.
Founder of multiple businesses.
CHRO of a global investment bank.
Hollywood Film Director.
Managing Director of a retail bank.
Vegan food founder.
And every client wants to have a happy, healthy, true love relationship with their partner and to live a full life.
I did too.
I’ve always been a high achiever, working long hours, not because I ‘needed’ to, but because I’ve always loved my work.
I’ve always had a passion and drive to achieve, to build, to create, to make manifest what I know is possible for me.
So I can get lost into 10 hour days without even realising it.
What do you choose?
I’ve got two interesting facts for you:
We're mid way through September. That means we’re ¾ of the way through 2024 already. That is WILD how fast time is flying, right?
The average age of death of a man in America is 76 years old. That means middle-age, i.e. being half way through your life, is 38.
Yikes.
So…
Time is flying by, faster than ever before (where did this year even go?)
And you’re closer to your own end than you think.
You do not have as much time as you want.
How can I end the feeling of uncertainty and indecision in my relationship?
One of the hardest things we can experience in a relationship is the feeling of uncertainty and indecision. When we feel stuck in a state of limbo, unable to move forward and relax into the relationship, or unable to exit and start our life anew, we can feel trapped.
It can feel exhausting, in fact.
“I don’t have time to look at my relationship” - Why the myth of ‘not having enough time’ is a dangerous one.
If you’re anything like most people you have focused on your professional life - and your love life has always been a bit confusing and vague.
A mythic, romantic, enigma.
You’ve tried to understand it.
You’ve done some therapy or counseling, read blogs, listened to podcasts, and whatever other things you’ve done to try to heal your relationships.
It can feel chaotic and stressful to be honest.
A bit all over the place.
4 signs you’re potentially self-sabotaging your relationship…and would benefit from doing some inner work
This is an unconscious pattern of self abandonment that stems from fearing abandonment and therefore, being addicted, unconsciously, to that very same pattern. This NEEDS to change if you want to see the truth of your relationship. Because when you transform this pattern, you step up into your potential to ask for what you want and need, for what you deserve, and actually communicate that effectively…so that they can hear it. You also create healthy boundaries that mean you stop tolerating bad behavior which increases the chances of them giving you good behavior.
5 reasons why you aren’t attracting (or already in) a healthy, meaningful, fulfilling relationship
Whether you’re single and have been struggling for years to find the right match for you, or you’re in a long term relationship (or marriage) but are feeling unfulfilled in it…it may be that you are blocking yourself unconsciously from having exactly what you want.
This isn’t to say you’re doing it consciously or that it’s somehow your fault - we all have blockers and blind spots that we aren’t aware of, and that we gained as children (without realizing it or choosing it).
So if you ARE blocking yourself, rest assured you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. Not at all.
3 Reasons why your relationship isn’t working for you
Being in relationship limbo and not knowing whether to stay or go is one of the hardest, and most debilitating places to be.
Going slightly crazy, your mind constantly going back and forth, deliberating over what to do, what’s wrong with you, what’s wrong with the relationship, what’s wrong with them.
Googling for answers, trawling through internet forums trying to see if other people have felt this way. Talking to friends, watching reality TV shows about love and trying to see if other people have been through similar dilemmas.
Why do I keep attracting the same type of person in my romantic relationships?
These patterns that you keep seeing - the pattern of emotional unavailability, drama, stress, anxiety, feeling like you’re low priority for someone, feeling like you’re stuck in limbo, feeling like you’re on a rollercoaster of receiving hot and cold love from someone…
Where you’re constantly feeling anxious, you find yourself ruminating, thinking a lot, worrying, debating what to do, debating what to say, going back and forth…
Where you find yourself second-guessing yourself, doubting yourself, and wondering what’s the ‘right’ thing to do…
I’ve tried tons of things to help me improve my personal life, my relationships. Why is nothing working?
I had this too.
I spent WELL over $40k in the past decade, and way more than that in the past 15 years looking for answers. I was lucky that I grew up in a personal development household where investing into these things was seen as a healthy thing to do…but honestly, I was almost a little bit addicted. Always looking for that next fix…
…and yet, nothing really DID fix me, not fully.
Why do I keep attracting the same type of person in my romantic relationships?
I hear it all the time from clients:
“I keep attracting emotionally unavailable women. They show interest in me initially and pursue me, but as soon as we get close or a real relationship starts to form, they start to lose interest and things fizzle out”.
“I keep attracting women who shut down when the going gets tough, and either they walk away, avoid hard conversations, get defensive, or throw it back in my face”.
“I keep attracting men who give me just breadcrumbs of affection and don’t give me what I really want and need…but I can’t seem to stop being attracted to them”.
“I keep attracting men who pursue me at the beginning and are super romantic, giving me flowers, taking me on dates, and doing everything that I want, but then I find out that they’re actually in a relationship with someone else - or they just disappear”.
These patterns that you keep seeing - the pattern of emotional unavailability, drama, stress, anxiety, feeling like you’re low priority for someone, feeling like you’re stuck in limbo, feeling like you’re on a rollercoaster of receiving hot and cold love from someone…
Where you’re constantly feeling anxious, you find yourself ruminating, thinking a lot, worrying, debating what to do, debating what to say, going back and forth…
Where you find yourself second-guessing yourself, doubting yourself, and wondering what’s the ‘right’ thing to do…
Should I leave my partner? How to know what to do when the stakes are high, and you’re feeling stuck in limbo.
When the stakes are high, and you’ve spent a few years…even decades with this person, it can feel utterly paralysing to contemplate leaving everything you have built with them behind.